Youthful hopeless romantic gestures fill the air like fireworks on the 4th of July night sky.
A knight in shining armor you aren’t but you never claimed to be, so why did I try so hard to get you to be one.
I built a pedestal and tried to push you on top of it; than when you fell on top of me and broke me why was I so surprised.
I follow the same pattern of misguided intentions.
I want to be the perfect girlfriend. I find out what you want and that’s what I become.
I change myself and become someone you need me to be but the modifications can never last.
I can’t keep them in place long enough for them to get you to stay.
I distort reality inside my head until I believe all the lies I’m telling you and myself.
I’m so eager to please you. I’m so angered when it doesn’t work.
Every single man runs in the end. I cry myself to sleep.
I’m a washing machine stuck on the delicate cycle and I never get clean.
You can change the players.
You can rearrange the furniture.
I even changed the cities.
The playlist has rotated hundreds of times now.
I begin again. It ends again.
Three for three the story remains the same.
He loves me to death but he’s not in love with me.
He’s single, but hey, by the way, he has a live in girlfriend.
Oh, he must have forgotten to mention that to me.
And the last one, the one that seemed perfect in practically every way, he said he was divorced, nope, still very married!
Oh dear, here we are again, sitting alone in the dark crying into a carton of ice cream.
I throw in the proverbial towel into the washing machine of my love life and set it on spin and say goodbye.
I go into myself and lock away every feeling for a safer day.
I can’t risk anymore pain.
I can’t bare anymore beautiful blue eyes full of lies.
The adversary knows my weakness, love.
Loneliness is tolerable if you tell yourself to call it solitude.
I pretend to that I don’t mind all this time watching the world pass me by alone.
I could go out. I could smile more.
I’m afraid to tempt myself.
In my experience the risk has never been worth the reward.
I have to take this time to figure out who I am with no one around to please.
The cycle has to end it’s time to come clean.
I have to find me.
I hold my breath as I venture out into the world with this renewed perspective.
It’s been years since I’ve been out here and I feel so exposed.
I feel shaky and uncertain but hopeful because I’m not out here to please someone else anymore.
I’m searching for a partner to enrich my life not someone to complete me, because I am complete.
I know that now.
I’ve always felt a partial emptiness, but the closer I draw to God the less I feel that way.
The stronger I become and the more capable I feel.
I know now that I’m prepared.
I'm ready to be a good wife, friend, partner, and lover to someone who respects and loves me.
No more taking whatever I’m given and thinking I’ll just throw it in the wash and make it work.
If he’s dirty then he’s not worthy because I deserve better!!!
A knight in shining armor you aren’t but you never claimed to be, so why did I try so hard to get you to be one.
I built a pedestal and tried to push you on top of it; than when you fell on top of me and broke me why was I so surprised.
I follow the same pattern of misguided intentions.
I want to be the perfect girlfriend. I find out what you want and that’s what I become.
I change myself and become someone you need me to be but the modifications can never last.
I can’t keep them in place long enough for them to get you to stay.
I distort reality inside my head until I believe all the lies I’m telling you and myself.
I’m so eager to please you. I’m so angered when it doesn’t work.
Every single man runs in the end. I cry myself to sleep.
I’m a washing machine stuck on the delicate cycle and I never get clean.
You can change the players.
You can rearrange the furniture.
I even changed the cities.
The playlist has rotated hundreds of times now.
I begin again. It ends again.
Three for three the story remains the same.
He loves me to death but he’s not in love with me.
He’s single, but hey, by the way, he has a live in girlfriend.
Oh, he must have forgotten to mention that to me.
And the last one, the one that seemed perfect in practically every way, he said he was divorced, nope, still very married!
Oh dear, here we are again, sitting alone in the dark crying into a carton of ice cream.
I throw in the proverbial towel into the washing machine of my love life and set it on spin and say goodbye.
I go into myself and lock away every feeling for a safer day.
I can’t risk anymore pain.
I can’t bare anymore beautiful blue eyes full of lies.
The adversary knows my weakness, love.
Loneliness is tolerable if you tell yourself to call it solitude.
I pretend to that I don’t mind all this time watching the world pass me by alone.
I could go out. I could smile more.
I’m afraid to tempt myself.
In my experience the risk has never been worth the reward.
I have to take this time to figure out who I am with no one around to please.
The cycle has to end it’s time to come clean.
I have to find me.
I hold my breath as I venture out into the world with this renewed perspective.
It’s been years since I’ve been out here and I feel so exposed.
I feel shaky and uncertain but hopeful because I’m not out here to please someone else anymore.
I’m searching for a partner to enrich my life not someone to complete me, because I am complete.
I know that now.
I’ve always felt a partial emptiness, but the closer I draw to God the less I feel that way.
The stronger I become and the more capable I feel.
I know now that I’m prepared.
I'm ready to be a good wife, friend, partner, and lover to someone who respects and loves me.
No more taking whatever I’m given and thinking I’ll just throw it in the wash and make it work.
If he’s dirty then he’s not worthy because I deserve better!!!
