The Failure of Living

if someone has lower self-esteem then i do
and hates themselves as much as i do
when i'm lost in my deepest moments
of self-reflection then they probably aren't alive.

why does God hate me? i have failed at being a human being.
why do I hate myself? i am a failure at living.

i stare. nothing appeases me.
i glare. nothing looks good to me.
my eyes want to jump out of my skull
and find another face to look at every day in the mirror.
i squint. nothing escapes me.
i catalog every facial deformity.

why does God hate me? he made me so ugly.
why do you hate me? i am a failure at loving you.

eclipse. darkness and shadows are my friend.
lack of lighting, angles, and photoshop
help me pretend that even i can be pretty.
nip that. tuck this. suck some fat out.
and let the bruises fade until i have a better face then this.

why does God hate me? can i hate him back?
why do I have me? Can I ever love myself the way I am?