To Death

i'm bleeding to death from this hole in my heart.
i've hidden for so long behind being smart.
that when you dug into me, i didn't know how to start.
all my hurt poured out from my soul;
the flash flood of feelings swept you away
and i'm free but alone.

you shouldn't have asked me who i was,
if you didn't want to hear my answer.
you set out trying to conquer my mountain of emotional baggage,
but you ran away when you got near the top.
i'm not sure which of us is more full of fear.

this is a strange new place for me.
the talking and crying and opening myself up to you.
i even shut down when i went to therapy.
my walls have been built too high for anyone to climb over,
but you just blew them up from the bottom.
i didn't know i still had a soul.

i've been pouring holy water onto my battered belief system.
trying to heal scar tissue of old wounds.
i am held together by band aids, duct tape, staples and string.
there are little perfect patches of me tucked away from view.
i've unwrapped those tid bits of me to feed them to you,
but you just spit them back out to me because i don't taste
the way you thought i'd be.

i've become obsessed with what you mean to me.
you're my future, a family, a forturne in unrealized dreams.
i hang my whole world on your every action.
you think you know how to handle my affections,
like a hot potato, you never hold on long enough to get burned.
you tossed me off and moved on to the next conquest.
i have to laugh. my love for you set my heart free,
but now that same love is a prison for me.

no longer am i an open book for you to read at your leisure.
i am wrapped back up away from your selfish pleasures.
i face what remains of my corporeal existence in the absence of your love.
i embrace my ture home.
i suffer in the familiar comfort of silence.
my soul reclines next to my battered heart.
they could use a long break, loving you has been exhausting.
thank you for leaving me before i could love us both to death.