Self-Inflicted

my heartbreaks are self-inflicted.
i fall in love with the impossible.
i comply to appease,
then i supress contrary emotions.
until i erupt, like an emotionally
charged cussing volcano.

people think i'm happy this way.
i've just been burned one too many times.
i don't want to hurt anyone,
and i don't want to get hurt anymore.
so, i put myself in isolation.
my lonliness is self-inflicted
to protect myself from pain.

you'd think these realizations
would enable me to be a better person.
but my misery is self-inflicted.
logically, it all makes sense,
but the angsty teen in me refuses to believe
that love can end happily.

just once i'd like to break away
from my self-inflicted sadness.
and punish myself with some happiness.
but fear keeps a strict house
and i am her willing prisoner.
to be alone is to be calm.
to be calm is to find peace.
i need the peace to keep the pieces of
my shattered heart together.