Jigsaw

the red upon the wall.
the blue shifting across the skies.
the thoughts crawling in my mind.
the feelings rushing up my spine.
the music driving my hands.
i'm a piece to a puzzle.
no one knows how i go together.

those words i utter make them gape and stare.
such a sweet girl.
so lost.
so confused.
every time they say it i laugh until i cry.
this myth that proceeds me turns on others sympathy.

people around me lay it out thick as molasses.
our society loves the tragic stories.
the community needs a rally
and i'm the cause of the day.
a precious soul that needs to be saved.
so grab a ribbon, it's a parade!
i smile big for the camera,
so every one can get a perfect picture.

they'll beg and cry for someone to tell them my secrets.
but i never told a soul.
i held on to myself and performed so many other roles.
no one knows.
i walked until i wore out the sole of my shoes.
i abandoned all of them,
but they were smothering me.

now their fear is at it's worst.
the concern for me overwhelming them.
i went and lost myself for real this time.
but now i have to play another role
to justify my abandonment of them.
i'll shift the blame away from me,
but no one believes me.
and for the first time i fall on my face.
an utter disgrace.

they have to admit they are sick of my games.
they'll have to admit me,
but they need to convince me.
i was never an angel,
but to them i have fallen out of the sky.
their pain is real, but i still don't think i have to explain why.