Parasitic Host

i wrap myself up in my personal make believe;
hunkered down and ready to defend every delusion i have left to the end!
i'm not dumb!
reality is not my friend.
i'm ugly.
i'm fat.
i'm hosting a parasite and it's all my fault!

i crawl into bed and surrender to the game.
i can't take one more heartache or one more broken promise.
even my appliances are dying!
i know i have to go into the world tomorrow.
i accept the fact i have to function to eat, but i won't accept defeat.
i'm escaping from this drudgery.
i'm grabbing my dreams and losing myself in them.

i don't always know what i want and i never seem to get what i need.
the tediousness of my waking seconds depresses me.
i tried to be better.
the odd in me suffered.
my blood runs backwards like all my lover's leave me.
i find comfort when i'm asleep.
i twist and turn out all the knots when my eyes are closed.

i wake up into uncertainty and confusion.
i break!
my closeness to insanity varies from hour to hour.
i have my little moments of victory that get me through the day.
all i ask for is quiet, but the static stalks me.
he has left me.
i'm not surprised.
i can't undo me.
i'm becoming one with solitude.
chit chat bores me.
nothing engages my senses.
i want to stay here and hide.
one day maybe when the parasite dies i'll bother to try!