Three Ways Wrong

Three Ways Wrong

7/29/2009 12:53pm
There's always a beginning, a middle and an end to every life, to every story, and to every love.
I think the beginning is always the best part. The middle is hard and the end is sad. I've tried to live.
I've tried to die. I've not found happiness in either one. So now I'll just try to make peace with my demons
and hope that this truce brings me closer to normal.

8/4/2009 2:35pm
I press buttons and push until something breaks, that's what I do and I can never stop myself.
I don't do it to be mean. I don't try and hurt someone's feelings. I am inappropriate by nature.
I never know when to keep my mouth shut. The few times I do manage to bite my tongue, my head
is chiming away with all the things I wanted to say.

8/5/2009 12:34pm
I watch the rain coming down outside and i want to cry. I feel sadness in my heart. I can't get this
melancholy out of me. I wonder if life is done with me. I want to hide from fear. The days are
winding down for me. And I can't even summon one tear. I feel like a fool.

8/10/2009 9:00am
My heart is almost ready to let you go. I know the time has come to see you fly, but still I'm sad.
I feel as if it was just yesterday when I held you in my arms as a pink little bundle of joy.
Now you are a woman and ready to leave the nest to find your own path. I don't know what I will
do with myself with you gone. I've lived for you for so long, now I too have to figure out a new
path to follow. The future is always coming, it never gives you time to adjust. I'll pray for the
both of us to be safe, be happy and be well.

8/11/2009 12:19pm
My wounds are showing. I'm hemorrhaging panic, money, and despair. The countdown to my world turning upside
down has begun, just 3 more days with you. I resist the urge to tell you that you cannot go. My need to
have you with me is not important anymore. I've defined myself within your box and now I must learn to
be myself all over again. This is not your fault. I feel like pacing and pulling out my hair. My anxiousness
is alarming to the extent that I know I have to hide it from you. Run, baby, run! Fly, baby, fly!

8/12/2009 9:42am
The minutes drag, the seconds brag that they are stealing my life away. Time is killing me. And I don't
know how to live anymore. I can't run to anyone. I have nothing to stand up for. I hurt and ache in
parts of me I never knew existed before today. This existence has my soul barricaded in a stone wall
of depression. I've erased myself from other's memories. Now I have no more memories to make.

8/12/2009 1:44pm
I'm stationary, but my thoughts are a raging rapid stream of worries. I'm contemplating my place in this
universe. The world is exploding with people and I wonder why should I bother even taking up space. The lazy
in me just wants to cruise under the radar. The small part of me that wants to make a difference gets diverted
at the first sign of resistance. I am ashamed. I am guilty of inaction. And I don't know if I even want to
change.

8/12/2009 4:40pm
It always comes at the end of the day; i'm exhausted, yet relieved to be going home. My ass hurts from the sitting.
My mind is either overstimulated or understimulated and I hope there is no last minute crisis that will make
me have to stay late. The tread of the traffic and the dullness of the drive loom oppressively on my being.
I've been unemployed and I much prefer to be on paid vacation. My perfect situation is to be rich for a living,
that's why I keep buying the lottery tickets. So I can list professional couch potato as what I do for a living
on my tax returns.

8/18/2009 2:11pm
The silence is taunting me, saying, you are alone, nobody loves you, you suck, you are a loser. I hear this from
the nothingness and the sadness consumes me. I don't have a shoulder to cry on, there's no one here to try and
cheer me up. My world's been shattered but she's all that matters, her happiness, and her success are more
important then mine. I passed my chance to live my life on to her. But I cannot live through her, that's pathetic,
and I'm not wanting to be labeled one of those people that can't be on their own. So I need to pull myself
together and get a life to live.

8/19/2009 1:52pm
I'm in so much trouble. I lost the cat. If I can't find him tonight then I'll have to tell her he died, I'm innocent.
It was an accident. It's another piece of life I can't get back. I can't stop yawning. I can't keep money in
my pockets. My life is all about leaving, everything and everyone leaves me, and only I remain. I'm a statue of
pity and remorse. I think I'll sit in the dark tonight and cry and hope I feel better when my tears have run out.

8/24/2009 12:46pm
My Life is stuck in a circle of discontent. I can change my fate or at least my attitude, but I don't. I have
forgotten what it is like to be happy. There's this blanket of darkness smothering me and I can't break free.
I want to start walking and not stop until all my pain is gone. But in reality, I wouldn't get a mile without
collapsing from the excertion. Have I dug the hole to deep to ever climb back out?

8/31/2009 8:51am
I'm settling down into the quiet. I try to fill the void with meaningless tasks. I take a walk to pass the time.
I hear the happiness around me and I'm jealous. I don't go out. It hurts to see others smile. Nothing appeals
to me. I'm going through the motions hoping to ignite some spark of life within myself. I'm the picture of obesity.
I'm the definition of depression. I'm the book on lonliness. I'm disappointment incarnate. I'm everything but
what I want to be. And that's how it's always been for me.