24 Ways

i got to stop thinking, that's when my troubles start.
when i think i got it all figured out, that's when it falls apart.
i keep putting all my eggs in one broken basket.
i think that makes me the basket case.

i don't know why i am always out of place.
all guys want to do is play with my boobies;
then they're off to find someone prettier then me.
i've given up trying to fulfill my own desires.

i was hoping you'd be different, but you aren't,
as long as i have a choice, i will choose the wrong man.
i'm drawn to the ones that play my heart strings.
they master me then they want someone else.
the right woman is always the woman after me.

the longest relationship i've had was 4 years.
he spent 2 of them out of the country,
we waited 18 months for the divorce to finalize,
so he spent a whopping 6 months under the same roof as me.
he cried, as he screamed at me, you are impossible to love.
i think it hurt so bad, because i knew he was right.

am i so awful? selfish? cold? distant? crazy?
i could go on with the list of adjectives i've been called,
but it would take all day to get through them all.
i've tried to grow and learn from each failure.
i've found out 24 ways how NOT to have a successful relationship.
maybe number 25 will be the one that it all comes together perfectly!

i've dumped a few and a few have dumped me.
so it's pretty much even on that front.
i've never cheated, but i've lied.
i know there were times i could have tried hard,
but i get bored so easily.

in these moments of self-reflection,
i see the would haves, could haves, and the should haves,
all lined up in one long funeral procession.
i have my own dirge to dance around to in my head.

i still dare to hope that somewhere out there,
beyond the fear,
i hear of soul mates and whispers of ever-lasting love.
i'm not that ambitious though,
but a smackerel of love just might be enough to see me through!