The Calm of Dying

i have to uncover my own voice.
i found my intentions, but i'm scared to tell you.
fear nails my mouth shut.
i'm not able to do this by myself,
but if you aren't in on this, it makes trying pointless.

september is a peaceful month,
full of the calm of dying.
nature gives up the ghost
and the leaves give one last show.
then they all fall down, dead, onto the ground.

i wish i had death's patience.
death never rushes, but waits calmly.
it knows we all have to die some day,
but i need to focus on living,
while i'm able to do what needs to be done.

i have to take my newly discovered ambitions
all the way to the end this time.
there's something i've wanted for a long time.
i never thought i deserved to have anymore.
now i'm sure my job isn't done.
i'm scared but excited too.

i'm giving myself a deadline.
you have to have a goal to achieve anything.
i might end up disappointed
or in a huge messy situation,
but i am ready to take this step.
it is better to ask for forgiveness then permission!