Affinity

These gray eyes looked up and saw you today and I instantly knew I liked you.
I didn’t know why but I felt a connection to you.
There was nothing telling me you’d be someone I could trust.
I didn’t even know your name yet.

I had to wonder what craziness was going on in the universe surrounding me.
People talk about soul mates and fate but I have never been one to experience this myself until now.
I thought I’d say hello eventually and for now I’d just think about you and smile if you’d look my way.
Who knows if our souls will have an affinity for each other’s hands to hold?

I don’t want to fill my head with unrealistic thoughts because I find you aesthetically pleasing.
If you are to be my sun and I’m meant to be your earth then what’s wrong with taking a few cycles of the moon to figure this out.
The next time I get married it will be for forever and that is not a child’s toy to be played with.
I want to join my life with another and find the greatest joy.

I’m putting my house in order so I can build a lifelong bond on a rock solid foundation.
I’ve been cleansing my karma so I can complete myself to allow another inside my walls.
Marriages are made in Heaven, but you meet your partner here on earth.

I know we don’t have all the time in the world to sit and contemplate these new feelings.
I want to hold on to the hope and treasure the possibility just a few more days.
The beauty in the dream is the sweetest of fruits it is almost too good to ever attempt to eat!

A Single Moment

A Single Moment captured in my mind like the firefly’s light burns for a brief second on the summer’s night sky. I hold tight to that look in your eye. I nurse the glimmer of hope like a whisky straight up hold the ice. I remember clearly the smirk and the sound of your amused grunt. I’m no one to you. Not yet. Maybe not ever, the fates are still being woven and cannot be seen by mere humans like you or I.

I’m inspired to work harder now to get my house in order to live my life to use this time to prepare myself for what is coming. I feel something in the air now approaching me like you can smell the charcoal in the spring air when all the BBQ’s are lighting up welcoming the warmer weather. There isn’t anything here for me yet. Maybe not tomorrow either, the future isn’t now, but what I can’t see will be here soon.

Graves dot the earth like pimples cover the face of a teenage girl. Everywhere you go there are those that once thought they had plenty of time to do everything that needed to be done. I know my time will run down sooner rather than later. I feel this heart in my chest burn from the struggle to cover my every breath. I have no illusions of forever dancing in my head. I need to stop making plans and take actions instead.

Over and over I have stumbled and fallen; you were there waiting patiently to pick me up again. My two fathers have never failed me no matter how many times I have failed them. I will pull them both closer to me. I never want to push either of them away ever again. I want to watch the world my heavenly Father built around me and reach into it and help Him make it better. I want to lift my Fathers’ up. My spirit is burning with their love.

I hold onto the past no longer. I tie it to my fears and doubts and release them into the sky. A single moment can tilt your entire view point upside down and turn your whole being inside out. You did that for me and one day maybe I will return the favor. I wish you happiness. I hope our paths cross again someday. Until then burn brightly and never fade away….

Dancing Back & Forth

I’ve got a million voices in my head and not a single one is mine anymore.
I’ve forgotten what my own voice sounds like anymore.
I’m stuck between heaven, earthly delights and hell’s burning fires.
Break my feet so I have to learn to walk again it’s the only way I can fix this mess.
All of me is a complete wreck!

I watch myself behind confused eyes like wires are shorted inside my brain.
I’m trying to rewire myself to get back to original programming but the manual is lost.
God hears my every thought so he knows I’m dancing back and forth a lot.
I don’t have any rhythm and all the music is off key.
I’ve never been a singer anyway!

These messages are jumping the tracks God is trying to lay them as fast as he can.
I am working towards salvation one prayer, one scripture, and one repentance at a time.
Frantically, I search inside my soul for those pieces that are shattered past redemption.
I listen to the silence inside and outside of me for His still small voice waiting for deliverance.
I’m struggling to bask inside the glow of God’s love.

Icy hands and burning questions leading up to fired up true confessions.
God can’t be deceived so excuses won’t be accepted; I must stand up and admit my faults.
My imperfections are woven into the fabric of my every atom I can’t remove them on my own.
I need to lean on God to cleanse myself and purify my heart to become whole.
I hear His angels sweetly singing my name they’re calling out to me to join in their praise.

Pages make a story that go in books that have a beginning, middle and an end.
People see this and wish life was so neat and easy to define and fit into their worlds.
God has a plan that plays to His own designs that doesn’t answer to our little desires.
I will follow where He leads whatever He has decided in His plan for me.
My life is His now to do His will and I now know peace, love, and comfort from above, amen!

I Need!

I need glasses to see clearly anymore.
life's become blurry inside my head.
i can't hear inside myself because the outside has invaded every part of me.
i want to be closer to God.
i want to be closer to my own heart.

i need a pen to write down my thoughts.
if i don't capture the words when they come they get lost.
as i age i struggle to remember everything.
my mind grows weak and dark.
i want to be enlightened again with God's presence.
i want the Holy Spirit to touch my soul once more.

i need a song to move my soul with emotions.
i have grown cold and lost to life's subtle cues.
i have fallen into apathy's trap.
i walk among my fellow humans insensitive to their sufferings.
i want to be healed by God's love.
i want to feel God's grace work through me again.

i need God!
i tried to live in denial.
i stood on the mountain top alone in knowledge.
i thought if i didn't care i wouldn't hurt, but the pain festered and burned.
my sanctuary was my prison.
i want God to hear my prayers.
i want to talk to God like he his my best friend.

i need God's love to be free.
God forgive my ignorance and selfishness.
my fear drove me underground to hide from you.
i see now God you bring me comfort and peace.
i had you in my heart the whole time.
i had you waiting to take me back all along!