Bolder

Fear sits on the back of my mind.
What linger's unknown in my near future unsettles me?
I feel bolder, like it's time to buck my terrors.
If now is all I have then I have no reason not to try.
And I am taking risks and rocking boats.
I'm jumping off cliffs and shaking off doubts.
This possibility of death's sudden kiss has me breaking free
from the fears that had chained me to how i thought it had to be.

I am laying it all out on the line.
I'm not holding back anything this time.
I am being bold and brave.
I am telling you I love you and not trying to save face.
There's no time left on the clock to hedge my bets.
If tomorrow doesn't come I want to know I said all I had to say today.

I do love you.
I do want you.
I want you here with me every day.
You say not to push.
If pushed you go in the opposite direction.
But you don't realize I have a new understanding of my life.
If I want something I need to try and make it mine.

I am bolder.
I am braver.
I am standing up for myself.
I don't know yet if I have a brain tumor,
but just the thought of it makes me throw caution to the wind.

If I'm going to die I want to know I lived.
I wish this had happened years ago.
I've spent too long wasting away in mothballs.
Fear has controlled me for far too long.
I am bolder now.