October Knows

I'm losing track of time.
I look out the window and watch a day fade from blue to black.
Leaves are changing colors and falling to the ground.
The throes of death are all around me.
Winter will be colder without you around.

Natural selection has left me standing alone.
If only I had a blue print, I'd cut myself out to your specifications.
But life isn't custom made and I'm not like that.
I say what I think before I stop to edit.
You always yelled at me for that.

Last week seems like this week just the numbers have changed.
I cross out the days on the calendar with no emotion.
I go back to bed in the middle of the day.
I want to feel again, but I've forgotten how.
The happiness has left me.

Fate is something others believe in.
I believe you are always at the crossroads.
And I'm getting some bad directions.
Every choice I make leads me the wrong way.
Who can I trust when I don't trust myself?

This isn't about what I should've done or what I didn't do.
I am looking into the future, but it's too dark to see anything.
I'm scared.
So I'll settle down into another empty night and pray it'll be alright.