Cold Soul

who let the cold in?
it's getting late.
i reach for the silence before it escapes.
i pull the blankets up over my head.
i lie there holding my breathe
pretending i'm hiding from death.

a knock at my door at a quarter to four,
i won't let you in next time.
i am happy to see you but sad when you go.
my house will never be your home.

you bring me my old insecurities.
i'm trying to improve myself.
i can't move forward when you hold me back.
i'm like a sponge,
i absorb whatever i surround myself with,
so i need to hear and see what is good.

why is this so hard?
i struggle for the words.
i will always have love for you,
but i can't see you anymore.
when i'm with you i forget to be true.
i do so many things i regret later,
and when you go i reek of shame
and i am stained with guilt for weeks.

i can't keep resetting myself every time you come by.
i should have never let you stay,
but i only have myself to blame,
for letting your cold soul in.