Until I Hear You

i am quiet.
i am silent.

oh God, i don't know what i'm asking
when i raise my hands together,
fall to my knees,
and bow my head.

oh God, bless this wayward child.
i got lost again.
no matter how simple your plan,
i don't fully understand.

oh God, i know you don't answer to me.
i don't know why i bother
to raise my hands together,
fall to my knees,
and bow my head.

then i whisper to you my great despair.

oh God, forgive me.
help me to understand.
i need to know i can forgive myself.

oh God, how is it you still find
something inside me to love when i can't?

oh God, i am begging you,
but i still doubt
when i raise my hands together,
fall to my knees,
and bow my head.

i wonder if you even hear my heart beating,
my uneven breathing,
when i whisper my pain to you.

i am quiet.
i am silent.

oh God, i am straining to hear
the still small voice of your ghost again.

oh God, help me remember how to be your blessed child again.

until i hear you,
i will raise my hands together,
fall to my knees,
and bow my head.

i'll whisper to you my prayer.
i hope you hear me.

o God, my eternal Father, show me how to love myself the way you love me!

i am quiet.
i am silent.