Somewhere In Here

i know it's in here somewhere.
where, oh where, did i put it?
today i got good news, but with me,
there's always a but,
i feel sadder then ever.
i hate being praised, it makes me sick.
i used to love recognition.
i don't know where my self-esteem went,
but i have a a bad feeling,
i'm never gonna see it again!

i guess i could shovel out the blame.
my brothers unrelenting teasing.
the fat jokes. the ugly taunts.
the put downs and the heart aches.
my mother's constant critisism.
my father's unrelenting optimism.
me trying to be everything to everyone
and now me feeling like i'm nothing to no one.

i know it's in here somewhere.
where, oh where, did it go?
today i had a moment of uncontrollable laughter,
but those moments never last,
and now i feel empty and bloated.
i hate not be able to make my happiness stay.
i used to laugh every day.
i don't know where my hope went,
but i have a bad feeling,
i'm never gonna see it again!