Snow Flurries

winter nights with the frost on the grass
and the ice on the trees reminds me of the coldness inside of me.
my soul is covered in frost.
my heart has turned into ice.
and in my darker moods i want to go outside,
in the dead quiet of the night,
in my bare feet praying the cold will transfer from me to the frozen ground.
let the winter steal the cold right out of my bones.

after three decades in the same state,
you'd think the seasons would be predictable by now,
but southwest Ohio leaves me still guessing.
maybe that's why i never tried to leave.
the weather here shifts as quickly as my moods.
i sense we share a fate, but i don't know the details.
one day i'll understand everything.

like snow flurries i come down the people i love,
unexpectedly, quick to yell and then i'm gone.
the hurt inflicted upon them unregistered in me.
i can't control these erratic spikes of frustration and anger.
the person closest to me gets bombarded the most.
she's the bravest kid in the world to live with me.
both of us never know who i'll be one minute from the next.

i'm so bored with therapy and self-help books.
the same mundane subject repeats.
i feel like banging my head against a wall of pointed sharp spikes.
that's me babes i love to maximize my pain.
the outside will be covered in pure white snow soon.
i wondered if some high coke head has ever tried to snort snow,
thinking the world has suddenly been covered in cocaine?
their wet dream come true, that would be funny to me.
would it be funny to you?

winter nights always remind me of how cold i've become,
so i let the snow flurries come!

Snowy Sky

I look outside
Up to the snowy sky
The big fat snowflakes
Erase the curves of the landscape.

The cold burns
My throat as I breathe
In then out
Hoping to escape the freeze.

The dog runs around
Joy in her eyes
Mine are downcast
Happiness is not easy for me.

I pull up my collar
Try to protect myself
From the brutal blizzard
Of gray and gloom.

I look up to
The snowy sky
And I wonder
Will i survive this winter?