Breaking

Ah, the fog surrounds my car.
The fog invades my brain.
Thoughts fall into it's void
And I want to sleep all day.

I pull into the parking lot.
I got to back into a spot.
I bite my lip until it bleeds.
It's these trivial things that get to me.

Everything around me is breaking.
The drying doesn't heat up.
The computer won't boot up.
My bank account is hitting zero.
Every around me is broken, even me now.

Ah, the caffiene isn't working.
My blood is sludge.
Thoughts won't form
And I want to fade away.

I sign into my laptop.
I got to get some work done.
The deadlines are approaching.
It's stress like this that gets to me.

Everything around me is breaking.
The cable is going in and out.
The car died in traffic.
My bills are overdue.
Every around me is broken, even me now.

A Wednesday

A Wednesday has arrived. Friday is within my sight. If I can just make it through the daily grind I’ll be free for a little while.

My life has faded into nothing. I work. I eat. I work some more and then I go home bored. I am too tired to play. I can’t recall the last time I ran for no reason.

I’ve become fat. I live a sedentary life style. I waddle when I walk. My jaws flap when I talk. It’s all too much for me to bare, that’s why I never look in the mirror. I’ve lost sight of me.

I’ve gotten so far past control that I’m in eating overload. I go into this world with good intentions. I never mean to mention the things I say. I’m even superstitious. But it all goes wrong anyway.

The bank won’t let me have my money. The 3 credit bureaus think they are God. I can’t buy a home because I have no self control. Reality really does bite and bite over and over again until your ripped into pieces and bleeding slowly to death. You put out your hand and it gets smacked until it’s red.

I go to church to reach some inner peace but when I can’t give 10% I fill up with guilt. I feel so worthless. My faith isn’t enough to save me. My hopes have fled me.

I drive past the pretty houses all in a row. They taunt me because they’re flaunting how much better life for those people inside of them. My brain screams ‘A house does NOT make a home!’ My demons chant back, “How would you know? How would you know? How would you know?”

I don’t know if it’ll be alright. It’s never a good night. I want to run far away and start over again. Put me in the eye witness protection program, because I’m tired of who I am. I’m so so so tired of who I am!

Everything is Still the Same

Life keeps kicking me in the ass. I never get enough to catch up, let alone, get ahead. I just paid Peter and Paul’s knocking on my door. My tax return was bogus, not enough to keep the lights on. I got doubled taxed while the rich man got richer. Wyoming sounds nice let’s go there to abandon all material possessions. We can live off the land. No, I forget Ted Turner and Hollywood bought all the land up there.

I’ll just dig my hole here and bury myself up to my hair. I’ll pretend to ignore the world and they will forget about me. You’ll see. One more working schmoe gone, but so many 1,000’s willing to work on. You can’t see me, you only see my hair. And I don’t care. Nope, I don’t care. Now I’m sitting on the toilet thinking about my lack of opportunities. Wondering if I can buy more toilet paper, pay the rent, and buy groceries. Electricity is important in sub-freezing weather. Having a car is required to go to work when there’s no subway.

I’m caught between broke and necessity. How do I pick which bill to pay when all are important? I get so frustrated. Crime is tempting. I swear I would be clever, but not today. Everything is still the same.