Ohio Cold

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.
if i were better behaved would you come back to stay?
it's dark by 6pm.
the single digit temperatures chase away all the warmth i have.
baby, please come home.
you're all i have to hold in this ohio cold.

these nights are wearing me down.
my heart is frozen solid and one more hurtful word from you
my heart will surely shatter;
as things do in this ohio cold.

am i not good enough for you?
you've forgotten me again, haven't you?
why do you run away from me and leave me to cry in this ohio cold?
i'm so tired and my bones ache.
i can't think clearly and you're so calm.
you aren't here suffering with me in this ohio cold.

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.

Overworked!

my mind is racing.
my heart is chasing shadows again.
i search for meaning behind the words i am reading,
but i am lost.

i am spending too many hours working for my paycheck
and not enough towards saving my soul.
my 5th straight week with nearly 60 hours worked.
i've forgotten where work ends and my life is supposed to begin.

there's no relief in sight for this overtime
and the worst part is i'm salary.
so the more i work, the more my hourly rate drops.

i'm so tired.
last night i even worked in my sleep.
i don't know how much longer i can keep this pace.
my butt and lower back have constant cramps.

i work at work.
i work at home.
i even answer emails when i'm on the road.

i'm burning this tight rope from both ends.
i have no safety net to break my fall.
i've use the past 20 minutes to walk around and stretch.
the day started at 6am and it shows no sign of ending.

this is just the beginning.
the busy season begins in september.
i have until the end of august to get all my systems in a row.
then we dig into our backlog of work.
my vacation will be working ones.

this has to be why 1 out of 4 americans are depressed.
i'm overworked and stressed.
i have sharp pains in my chest.
i'm thankful for the job, but work knows it.
it's still hard to find work.

the economy is not as recovered as dc hoped.
so i think i will find a way to cope.
most of my coping skills are destructive.
i need to learn some new tricks.

my 20 minutes are up.
it's back to the keyboard.
bck to work.
am i wicked?
cuz i hear there's no rest for the wicked!

Suppression

i stay still.
if i move i'll ruin this moment.
two dogs peacefully snoring.
i try not to make any noise.
i find myself yearning to sneeze.

i fight for control over my body.
now my foot itches.
it's a common battle,
since the dawn of man,
we've tried to suppress ourselves.

i feel like laughing,
but i just smile.
it's been awhile since
i felt this torn.
my feet are falling asleep.

i'm tired too,
but i don't want to get up.
is it friday yet?
my moment of quiet content
is slipping away.
i want to hold on to it,
but i know it won't stay.

the snoring continues,
as i wonder how much longer
i can suppress the urge to use the bathroom!

A Wednesday

A Wednesday has arrived. Friday is within my sight. If I can just make it through the daily grind I’ll be free for a little while.

My life has faded into nothing. I work. I eat. I work some more and then I go home bored. I am too tired to play. I can’t recall the last time I ran for no reason.

I’ve become fat. I live a sedentary life style. I waddle when I walk. My jaws flap when I talk. It’s all too much for me to bare, that’s why I never look in the mirror. I’ve lost sight of me.

I’ve gotten so far past control that I’m in eating overload. I go into this world with good intentions. I never mean to mention the things I say. I’m even superstitious. But it all goes wrong anyway.

The bank won’t let me have my money. The 3 credit bureaus think they are God. I can’t buy a home because I have no self control. Reality really does bite and bite over and over again until your ripped into pieces and bleeding slowly to death. You put out your hand and it gets smacked until it’s red.

I go to church to reach some inner peace but when I can’t give 10% I fill up with guilt. I feel so worthless. My faith isn’t enough to save me. My hopes have fled me.

I drive past the pretty houses all in a row. They taunt me because they’re flaunting how much better life for those people inside of them. My brain screams ‘A house does NOT make a home!’ My demons chant back, “How would you know? How would you know? How would you know?”

I don’t know if it’ll be alright. It’s never a good night. I want to run far away and start over again. Put me in the eye witness protection program, because I’m tired of who I am. I’m so so so tired of who I am!