Reluctant Adult

The big move is done.
Objects placed around each room.
Almost feels like home.

Adjusting to the new night noises.
Wondering where this road leads.
I'm feeling accomplished and pleased.
This is good.
This is right.
This is where I want to be.

The kid is figuring out where to put her stuff.
She overtakes everything she touches.
The buffer is small but necessary.
She's not a child anymore, but a reluctant adult.

She craves my attention like a 3 year old.
I try my hardest to turn her away.
She has to stand on her own as much as I can get her to let me go.
Her red hair matches her quick temper and passionate emotions.
Every day there is some drama in her life that will undo her.
OSU is proving a testing ground for her patience which was always little.

Yes, we are influx.
Yes, we are taking on new challenges.
But I tell her, this is how a life gets lived, in motion, not in rest.
So we will see where we end up.
I hope for her and I both we enjoy the journey and love the destination.
We are settling down into our own for the first time ever home.
Time will tell, it always does.

Dead Horse

i got another call from you.
i didn't say much.
i didn't listen either.
you've said it all before.
there's no point in beating my dead horse.

it's akward and it'll stay that way.
i'm not being difficult.
it's the way i feel.
i can't change my emotions on a dime.
i can't turn my love off then on like a light switch.
the only cure here is time.

you keep reaching out to me.
i deleted your number off of my phone.
i'm not bitter,
but depression is now my home.
your voice is painful to me
and it used to brighten my day.

if i spoke up you'd say i'm petty
funny, you never could tell me i was pretty.
criticism was always easier for you,
but i'm no longer a volunteer.
i have to disengage myself from you
or be drowned to death from my pain.

next time you call i won't pick up.
i know you'll think i suck.
i was never good at driving in reverse.
so in theory, yes, i'm your friend,
but i think it's time i bury this dead horse.