Take the Lie

take the lie it's so much better then the truth
the truth i have in my heart is shallow and cold
i can't stay. love isn't my thing. i want to be more,
but its not here. believe my love was true.
think that i think that about you. take the lie to get you through.

i've been doing this for a long time
i got this leaving part down
i go on and on about forever and happily ever afters
i know what to say and when to say it
it's become second nature to me to see in them
the needs i'm here to fill, but i don't stay
i can never stay; that's my one rule

take the lie to bed and dream about me
how it used to be before the tears and the lonely nights
i said goodbye. we had ugly fights.
you got paranoid. i pushed all of your insecure buttons.
you swear you could see past all my faults,
but no one ever can. you don't know how cracked i truly am.
take these lies and hang them on your walls.
those are what you need to hold on to because i'm gone.

it started long ago and far away
i was lied to and left behind too
it seemed better to leave the lie and make my own world
so i roam around where ever i go i find some comfort, but never a home
i've been call cold
i've been asked if i get lonely, no and sometimes i know it's a lie
and i'll take it over the truth every time
the truth stains, it bleeds, it kills your soul and destroys you
a lie take nothing and stays as long as you keep believing in it.

take the lie and believe it.
take the lie and keep it alive and i'll never be gone.

Reluctant Adult

The big move is done.
Objects placed around each room.
Almost feels like home.

Adjusting to the new night noises.
Wondering where this road leads.
I'm feeling accomplished and pleased.
This is good.
This is right.
This is where I want to be.

The kid is figuring out where to put her stuff.
She overtakes everything she touches.
The buffer is small but necessary.
She's not a child anymore, but a reluctant adult.

She craves my attention like a 3 year old.
I try my hardest to turn her away.
She has to stand on her own as much as I can get her to let me go.
Her red hair matches her quick temper and passionate emotions.
Every day there is some drama in her life that will undo her.
OSU is proving a testing ground for her patience which was always little.

Yes, we are influx.
Yes, we are taking on new challenges.
But I tell her, this is how a life gets lived, in motion, not in rest.
So we will see where we end up.
I hope for her and I both we enjoy the journey and love the destination.
We are settling down into our own for the first time ever home.
Time will tell, it always does.

Ohio Cold

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.
if i were better behaved would you come back to stay?
it's dark by 6pm.
the single digit temperatures chase away all the warmth i have.
baby, please come home.
you're all i have to hold in this ohio cold.

these nights are wearing me down.
my heart is frozen solid and one more hurtful word from you
my heart will surely shatter;
as things do in this ohio cold.

am i not good enough for you?
you've forgotten me again, haven't you?
why do you run away from me and leave me to cry in this ohio cold?
i'm so tired and my bones ache.
i can't think clearly and you're so calm.
you aren't here suffering with me in this ohio cold.

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.

Home

when my whole world flips upside down
and the rain won't stop pounding on my windows
there's only one place i've ever felt safe
i want to go home

when i'd sit out back on the grass
watching the clouds as they passed
i couldn't think of a better place to be
this warm loving home that surrounded me

time brings about changes
some i could never have foreseen
the holes left in me get filled up
when i come home to see you

the skies are always clear
the stars shine so bright
the soundtrack is the beauty of the night
how i've forgotten how i loved being home
in the white house on the corner
in the middle of no where

when you'd toss me in the air
so high i'd actually thought i'd fly
when i'd cry and she'd dry my tears as she smiled
it was a gift from heaven that sweet home of mine

dare i call it perfect
no, nothing is
but i will commit to record
i wouldn't change a thing about it
because i've been searching since i left it
for another place to call home
and nothing has ever topped it

i want to go home

What I Need

i cry alone in the darkness of my home.
i feel invisible and forlorn.
i then hear a voice, soft and sweet,
it speaks to me, you are not invisible to me.
my child, i see you clearly.
every emotion you feel comes to me too.
do not think you are alone,
because my spirit is always with you.

i felt better that night.
i said a prayer of gratitude
for the love of God and his gentle reminder,of who i am.
my load is lightened.
i go about my life at peace,
until my heart gets broken again.

i sit in the darkness of my home.
i wonder if God has forgotten me.
why must i suffer this way?
then i hear the voice again,
soft but firm, i am reprimanded.
i have not forgotten you,
but you have forgotten me.
my child, when you are suffering
I hurt a thousand times more.
If you'd listen more often,
you'd understand, that this is what you need.

i am humbled and embarassed.
i say a prayer filld with my heartfelt repentance.
my troubles are lifted from me.
i am focused and at peace.
Thank you God for not giving up on me!

now i travel lightly through life.
i listen for his directions at every fork in the road.
i pray often every day for him to guide me.
when i get lost, his gentle voice corrects me.
He is a loving tolerant father,
admonishing his wayward child,
not with fury but with love.
i always find my way when i have faith God knows what i need.

Back Home

every fall i hear the call to go back home.
where i know all the back roads.
i take it all for granted
that i'll always be wanted back home.

the place and his face are showing their age.
i can't replace either of them.
the thought of either coming to an end distresses me,
but i know nothing and no one lasts forever.

i want to go back home.
where there are wide open spaces,
familiar friendly faces,
and a place to call my own.

i'm tired of seeing lights instead of stars.
the smell of gasoline,
the noice of traffic rumbling,
and people overflow everywhere i go.
all of this makes me miss the quiet back home.

back home the night is truly black,
the stars shine brightly,
and the crickets sing their songs loudly.
there's a peace and a calm that I only find back home.

sitting on a porch swing, drinking lemonade,
and watching the flowers grow seemed so mundane,
but now that i'm older,i find it quaint.
as every year goes by, i want to drive back home to stay.

i couldn't wait to leave.
the little town was suffocating me.
i thought bigger was better, but i was wrong.
nothing here makes me feel better,
but when i go home i feel settled.

my new goal is to go back home.
i want to be close to the earth
and mess around in the dirt.
i want to remember to enjoy every minute
before it is gone.
i'm going back home!

Please Go Home

please go home, i'm tired now.
i don't want to be your playmate.
i am worn down by all the lies.
i need to take back what's mine.
please go home, i'm talked out.

seasons shift and fade away.
winter's here but it's warm as spring.
my heart is frozen over.
there's no more room for you.
you're hatred is swimming through my spine.
you'll never be out of me.

please go home, i'm sick now.
i am falling deep into blackness.
i don't see a way out this time.
i loved you for all the wrong reasons.
please go home, i'm exhausted.

please go home, leave me alone.
we wanted different things.
i can't watch this tradgedy unfold.
please go home, i don't love you.

Sickie

I watch the blood I just spit into my bathroom sink swirl around and then go down the drain.
I struggle to breathe through my blocked nasal passages.
My image in the mirror is blurry though my watering eyes.
I try to focus on my hair and my eyes burn.

I make it to work 15 minutes late.
I'm coughing and my co-workers gripe "Sickie's here"
I suck on my cough drop while the office quietly spins.
I can't wait until tomorrow when I work from home in my pajamas.

It's not even 9am and I feel exhausted.
My chest hurts and my shoulders ache.
When the hell did it get so bright in here?
Can I sleep sitting up in this chair?
The work is written in Greek today.
I might as well forfeit and drive home to crash under my covers.

Next week is vacation.
I can stick it out.
I can make it.
I'm down to one eye open with a marching band playing in my head.
It's no swine flu but it'll do, that'll do.
Another swig of Dt. Dr. Pepper, ti's cold liquid soothes my scratchy throat.
At 11 my greatest joy will be swallowing 2 more cold tablets.

An Angel

an angel fallen down; she's wrapped up in rain drops. and she's missed even though she's never left.

an eclipse comes and it goes. every now and again someone falls in love. i always saw you, but you never saw me. angels are easy to mislead.

i'm curled up naked on the ledge of a stone fountain weeping, cold and alone. my savior and my demons went bowling and i can't go home.

a kind word from soft lips soothes a broken heart. my fractured soul can't be glued back together by one friendly smile. even an angel like you can't undo a disaster like me.

sweet and demure; tied up in lies; now i'm exposed and ugly to your eyes, but you're here. all i wanted was your attention. even a human like me has needs.

an angel would bring me a blanket and tell me it will all be alright. you're not talking to me. i'm sorry i've hurt you so but i can't go home.