Dim

i wish life was easy for me.
i've used up all my get out of jail free cards.
now i'm watching the clock wind down.
i'm not sure if dying would be such a bad thing,
since the life i'm living isn't much.
only two people would miss me anyways.

i've put myself on cruise control.
my mind is playing tricks on me.
i thought i already wrote this down,
but the piece of paper couldn't be found.

i hate every day now.
i want to change, as long as it's free.
today i can't afford to exist.
every breath costs me fify cents.
i'm ready to go out of business.
it's time to close out this mess.

i'm not big on optimism.
i wallow in misery.
my happy dreams dangle in front of me,
like a carrot on a stick to a horse.
i keep stepping forward with no ambition.
i know i'll never win.
losing has become my best friend.

i don't know where this is going.
i swear i had a point when i began.
but it fled my brain and now the ink runs red.
i wish i could be brilliant,
but my light has always been set to dim.

Dead Horse

i got another call from you.
i didn't say much.
i didn't listen either.
you've said it all before.
there's no point in beating my dead horse.

it's akward and it'll stay that way.
i'm not being difficult.
it's the way i feel.
i can't change my emotions on a dime.
i can't turn my love off then on like a light switch.
the only cure here is time.

you keep reaching out to me.
i deleted your number off of my phone.
i'm not bitter,
but depression is now my home.
your voice is painful to me
and it used to brighten my day.

if i spoke up you'd say i'm petty
funny, you never could tell me i was pretty.
criticism was always easier for you,
but i'm no longer a volunteer.
i have to disengage myself from you
or be drowned to death from my pain.

next time you call i won't pick up.
i know you'll think i suck.
i was never good at driving in reverse.
so in theory, yes, i'm your friend,
but i think it's time i bury this dead horse.