Lopsided

it was always a lopsided affair with you.
i was further along with you in my head and in my heart.
you never caught up to me,
you merely caught on to me.
and you burnt my house of delusions down.

you are dancing around with a pack of clowns.
my nightmares run on repeat.
i wish i could say this place is new,
but i've been here before.
all the old strangers are new friends.
nothing unites like the experience of a broken heart.

it's not like you didn't warn me.
you told me loving you was futile,
but i had hoped to out wait your defenses.
you were never fooled.
you learned quickly how i am.
i can no longer surprise you,
so you cancelled my harlequinn subscription.

you are laughing at my naked self.
my nightmares only grow worse.
i wish the weirdness was new,
but i've felt like this before.
all the old faces are blurred.
nothing wipes a slate clean like a freshly broken heart.

Chasing Rabbits

I'm chasing rabbits down holes that don't exist.
I'm holding onto illusions of granduer.
I'm investing money into losing lottery tickets.
The jokes on me, cuz I'm kidding myself.
All thoughts of happiness are a mirage.
Existence is brutal and resistance is futile.

I'm running into dead ends.
I'm killing time with vacant stares.
I'm choking on the chicken into unconsciousness.
The jig is up, my two left feet tripped me up.
All hopes of good health are dashed.
Aches are everywhere and pain is my new drug.

I'm talking to people that have forgotten me.
I'm lying to all of us.
I'm thinking in reverse rememberances.
The clocks run out, my time has passed.
All dreams of success are burned to the ground.
My heart's too old and my soul has been sold.

But I keep chasing those rabbits down those non-existent rabbit holes.

Kill Myself

What am I doing?
Who am I kidding?
I mess up everything I touch.
I'm a walking, talking one woman wrecking ball.

I'm a clutz.
I'm a duntz.
Stamp Loser on my forehead.
Black ball me.
Execute me.
Toss me to the curb.

I'm my own worst enemy.
No one can hurt me more then I do myself.
If there's a way to screw it up I'll find it.
I'm gonna get myself killed one day.
I'm gonna get myself killed one day.

I walk under ladders.
I love black cats.
I never win anything.
I even lose more than I have.
I see numbers backwards.
I walk into posts.
I'm a habitual whiner with an appetite for cheese.
My skill is annoying people.
I excel at it so well that people want to hurt me.
Oh, well.

I'm my own worst enemy.
No one can hurt me more then I do myself.
If there's a way to screw it up I'll find it.
I'm gonna get myself killed one day.
I'm gonna get myself killed one day.

I fall down unexpectedly.
I trip over my own two feet.
I bite my tongue in my sleep.
I swallow when I should spit.
It's disgusting isn't it?
I can't help myself.
I want to hange myself.
Put the hemp rope away.
I can't go out to play.
I always have a headache.
I'm always cranky.
It's always been a bad day.

I'm gonna end up getting myself killed one day.
It'll be accidental.
It'll be weird.
I'll be the darwin award winner.

I'm gonna get myself killed one day.