All of Mine

the slowness of a flame burning out.
the hole that gets dug too deep to fill.
the darkness that sends a chill up your spine.
the denial you cling to like a life preserver.
i felt it before i could see it.
we had passion and fire.
we burned brighter then a five alarm forest fire.
one day hot then the next day remote.
i had part of your heart, but baby i gave you all of mine!

the somber tones of a funeral dirge.
the ominous blues of a stormy summer sky.
the sudden drop in temperature as winter unfolds.
the hope you're wrong is strong.
i heard it in your voice before i saw you shut the door.
we had chemistry and joy.
we connected on levels envied by the heavens.
one day we were in sync the next day not even on the same page.
i had part of your heart, but baby you took all of mine!

the ordinary rut of the day.
the prayers you'll come back someday.
the loneliness strangling your happiness to death.
the loss of motivation to breathe.
i can still hear the echo of your car door closing.
we had love and friendship.
i knew the best how can i ever live without that.
this broken heart isn't even mine to keep.
i had a part of your heart, but baby you still have all of mine!

Let Love Be

i'm losing it. i'm falling apart, like leaves falling off the trees in the fall.
i'm losing it all. i feel barren, like the desert landscape in a calendar on a cubicle wall.
i can't think past this second.
this moment is swallowing me whole.
i'm stuck on a blank screen.
the hour glass is taunting me.
i feel wound up with no release.

i feel disconnected. i hear and see all that surround me, but none of it matters to me.
this mode i'm running in has me run down.
the cycle i'm pedaling through never seems to end.
i need a little motivation to break away and blow this monotony up.

i long for passion to take root and plant some chaos into my life.
my days aren't anything to remember.
i'm drowning in all this ordinary.
normal never suited me.
i know i hate the heartbreak when it ends, but sometimes the thrill is worth the crash landing.

these blues are making my world gray. it's daunting to force a change.
i keep looking around, but my eyes aren't ready to take anybody in.
all these people running around hooking up then breaking up looks like misery to me.
i need to win the war but these battles keep crushing my self-esteem.

sunshine and daisies were never my style and it never used to bother me.
is it age or loneliness taking their toll on me?
i wonder if it's time to give up and just let love be.

Always Waiting

i'm always waiting.
i wait on the computer to load.
i wait for payday.
i wait in line after line every day.
now i'm waiting on you to change your mind.
a woman can lose her mind with all this wasted time!

you were all mine, but that was only a brief moment in time.
you moved on but i'm stuck.
i can't let go of your memory.
we dance around my thoughts; always happy; always together.
i'm always waiting around here for you to knock on my door once more.

i imagine running in to you at a store.
you look right through me like i was a stranger to you
and i stay frozen; i let you come and go as you pleased.
i was waiting for you to realize we were perfect for each other.
i wonder what you were waiting for?

i'm always waiting.
i wait for my ship to come in.
i wait for my broken heart to heal.
i wait day after day for you to change your mind.
i think i'm finally losing my mind!

other men come and go, but I can't fall for them.
i know how it feels to be on hold.
you marked me as yours and it's a mark that still holds.
your touch haunts my dreams.
if i could sleep forever you'd never leave me.
then my wait would be over!

i drink to forget.
i move to live.
every day feels like an eternity.
this pain is eating a hole through me.
my love is wrapped up into your memory.
i almost get by, but i almost no longer mind you're gone.
you became everything to me.
then you couldn't wait to take it all away from me.

i'm always waiting.
i wait on fate to intervene.
i wait for the world to change.
i wait for you to miss me.
i wait for a man that can make me forget you ever existed.
i'm wasting all my time for you to change your mind and love me once more!

Bangs and a Broken Heart

i got bangs and a broken heart.
he tore my whole world apart.
i was chasing the shadow of the perfect man.
he was an illusion selling me my dreams and i paid him everything i had!

now i'm alone, older, and not wiser.
i'm thinking about what went wrong this time.
he isn't remorseful and i'm not ready to let go.
we struggle against each other's flaws.
i wanted all of him and he wanted nothing at all from me!

i had hope for the first time in awhile.
the sun can't shine on me forever.
i had fun until he took it all away.
i had him but i didn't guess he wouldn't stay.
why can't i find love that won't fade?

those silly girlhood forever fantasies got the better of me.
he preyed upon my vulnerabilities.
wishes were the fuel for his bonfire of lies.
he duped me and i let him.
i don't know if i can do this anymore.
i have to undo this damage or he'll win!

i'm retreating to nurse my wounds.
this heartache won't kill me but i'm spooked.
it's time to be less a romantic and more pragmatic.
my goals are clear and he's not meeting them.
if love could be logical then we'd be happier.
i'll take this seat at the head of an empty table
and my mind will move past what it always knew would never last!

Rent Free

a couple of clicks of the mouse and i sent your cheating heart out to her.
she was clueless, but now she's aware.
you aren't up on her pedestal anymore.
i shot an arrow through all of our hearts.

you told me you'd never talk to me again.
the fallout from you was expected.
i'm hoping now that the cord between us has been so coldly severed i can move on from you.
you weren't good to me.
i'm a person, but you only took from me.

i feel in control finally.
i'm sad she had to be caught in the middle.
i have to take what i've learned from you dominance of me.
i can't let you live rent free in my head anymore.

my stomach turns at the thought of coming face to face with you.
so far you've stayed away.
i didn't mean to chase you off of facebook or out of your apartment.
time will heal these wounds too!

i know you'll twist my words into what you need.
i wasn't able to tell you our relationship was hurting me.
when you touch me i lose all my senses.
there was only one way i could think to end this.
i crossed that line and now i need to stay strong.

i didn't matter to you.
you hurt me again and again and i LET YOU!!!
i have to accept that i created my own cage and gave you the key.
i have to answer to myself why i let you use me without mercy.
i have forgiveness in my heart for you,
and with time it'll get better for all of us!

Unexpected Praise

touch me when i don't want you to.
push past all the bullshit i say to you.
i've got chocolate on my forehead
and a broken heart in the mail to you.
i'm too young to be so done with living,
but when you focused on me i wanted to live forever.

a number dances on my mind,
48, 48, 48 is when she died.
i don't know how much longer i've got,
so wasting this time loving you really sucks.
i worry about dying every day.
my demons are winning in every way.

you told me my writing blew you away.
i latch onto this unexpected praise.
intentions and desires clash and clog my vision.
i have lost all my perceptions.
you need to tell me what you really think when you think about me.

i seek solace in a forgiving man,
but he's never here when i need him the most.
i'm beginning to retreat back into my head.
this man isn't really my friend.
i ask for a simple hug and i get a shrug.

i don't want you to touch me anymore.
my shut down has commenced.
i'm giving you a big send off.
my heart is being shipped out
and i don't want it to ever come back.

Time Bomb

don't charge me admission to my own execution.
the hang man's rope calls out to me.
all these hopes that died on my tongue leave me crushed by their gravity.
the peace lily is dying; the war within is still raging.
someday i wanted to change, but not today!

you were the bigger man and that makes me sad.
don't judge me by your own moral standards.
the ten commandments are more like guidelines i ignore all the time.
i envy. i covet. i lust. i fornicate. i lie. i steal. i cheat.
i don't ask for respect because i never give it.
there's no honor inside this broken down whore i've become.

the most i get takes all i got.
don't think you know what i'm going to do next.
i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing.
i saw you were back here last night smoking.
you didn't even bother to say hi.
the words you gave me were to pacify.
we're both afraid i'm going to lose my mind.

my insides are malfunctioning.
don't believe it's guilt because i'm falling apart.
it's just my broken heart flooding my system with those tears you wouldn't let me cry.
the fears have overtaken all my reason.
your voice had lulled me into submission.
we aren't friend but you like to pretend we are.
your influence over me is fading at last.
one day you'll piss me off and that will set me off, but not today!
i'm a ticking time bomb with a broken clock!

Be the One

be the one to show me the way, make my day.
my love is fragile; i'm running on empty.
do you know how to fix a broken hearted soul?
please tell me you understand and give me one more chance.
all i need is one more chance to love someone.

be the one to show me the way, make my day.
my soul is bitter; i'm sick of being alone.
can you help me find my happiness inside the coldness?
please say you've been here too and love me.
all i need is for you to love me.

be what you are, my beacon of hope.
be who i see, my soul mate.
be everything to me, my lover and best friend.
be the one to show me the way.
come on baby, make my day.
i know you're the one, please make my day!

Lock

happiness is a wonderful feeling.
joy fills you with warmth.
once upon a time i knew those feelings.
how i live in the past these days.
nothing in my present compares;
love's bittersweet taste on my tongue.
if i unwrap your last gift i'll have nothing left.

this is my place in space, locked in one moment of time.
i don't complain to anyone.
you can't unload your problems, because everyone has their own.
i'm locked into living in a moment that will never repeat.

misery is a cold black wet blanket.
sadness fills my heart with ice.
i know these feeling every damn day.
how they make my future look bleak.
i compare present to past for answers,
but none have surfaced.

i run in place, remembering the feel of your presence.
i don't bother others with these thoughts.
my problems are mental when others have real issues.
i'm locked into what you and i were meant to be.

black and white disagree but i only see gray.
in my soul there's nothing now.
i want to escape but as long as your everywhere i can't.
there's no freedom in these chains of your memory.
i get dragged down to the bottom of all that's surreal.

you locked me up with your love.
you tossed away the key when you left me.
now i sit and spin my wheels waiting for you to release me.
i don't know how to open the lock without you.
just come back for an hour.

Rain Rain Go Away

it's raining outside,
it's pouring in my mind.
gray, black, and white splashes of ominous emotions float quickly through me.
who was i to you?

scenes in my head play out like a black comedy.
i played your game without the rules.
i lost.
are you amused?

knowing me like you thought you did,
you never guessed i'd hit the fan.
i couldn't keep from talking.
yeah, i ran my damn mouth.
it amazes me how long i kept it shut,
that's how much i loved you until you broke my heart.

the air is cooling down like my desire for you.
the passion has burnt itself out.
i've gone no where but i never hear from you.
do you think about me anymore?

i've taken all the pain and wrote it down.
i've filled hundreds of pages and it keeps coming.
i should put them in a book and send it to your woman.
would that piss you off?

you always called me crazy.
you always lectured me on who to be.
i wasn't good enough for you.
i would never be her.
i should've known i'd be the one dumped on my ass.
but i kept loving you until you broke my heart.

Until I Don't Need You

you leave me unmoved.
i listen to your passionate pleas and i don't feel a damn thing.
i shove you down and kick you for no reason.
your tears make me angry.
your i'm sorry's whip up a cold breeze inside my heart.
if you really loved me you would have stayed.
i don't need anyone.
i don't need you.

the reasons unfold like a plot in a murder mystery i've see a 1,000 times before.
your charms can't heal my broken heart.
there's no do over.
you took until i had nothing left to give.
i'm bankrupt so leave.
you are nothing to me.
i don't need anyone.
i don't need you.

i steal the moments of solitude and collect my thoughts.
i have only 1/2 of me to live off of now.
your betrayal eclipsed my days of happiness.
i'd shoot you dead if i believed it would undo all this misery you brought upon me.
i don't need anyone.
i don't need you.

i need to heal.
i need to cry.
i need to eat.
i need a quick fix to get by.
i need fire.
i need love.
i need feelings.
i need to smile.

you God Damn fucking son of a bitch!

i need to forget.
give me all the booze and bottles of pills you can get.
God help me, i won't quit until i don't need you.
i'll self-medicate.
i'll self-destruct.
i'll burn my fucking self down to the God Damn ground.
i won't stop until i don't need you.

Winter's Wind

i look inside of you, you have a heart so cold i cry for you;
because i know tears will never fall from your eyes.
hold your hands up to your face
and feel the cold of the winter's wind against your skin,
it's like the slap of your rejection,
that's how it felt to me when you broke my heart.

high above on my medically induced cloud nine i reflect upon this journey with you.
i wanted too little.
you wanted too much.
we never could agree on anything.

broken down.
broken hearted.
i'm broken inside and out.
i had my cracks before you came, but now i'm broken apart from this pain.

i've greived a little too long for something i never really wanted.
i had some spirit left, just enough to cover up the lies.
it worked, until the secret grew bigger then me
and took a life of its own.
all i could do was wait for the explosion.

now i'm still cleaning up the aftermath
and the winter's wind has come again.
its sting to my exposed flesh reminds me of you.
it's as if your hurtful and abusive mouth never left.

i have have to move on or I'll never get out of this mess.
i thought you were gone forever,
but you're still a pain in my ass with hateful emails full of threats.
i guess the games aren't over for you yet.
you were always a sore loser;
that's the only thing about you i know for sure is true.

i'm tired of my doubts.
i'll burn them and your memory once the divorce goes through.
maybe out there somewhere there's a better one for me.
i'm thinking about him i wonder if he's thinking about me.
hell, i'd rather be with anyone but you.

i'm chasing these ghosts of you away.
i toss them out my door and let the winter's wind carry them back to you.
i'm done being your fool.

Pang of Jealousy

i shot myself in the foot.
i had a pang of jealousy when i saw her with you.
we were supposed to be having fun, leaving our emotions uninvolved.
i find myself wanting more of you, so i'm pulling out before any damage can be done.
i wish i could be the woman that doesn't fall in love, but i'm not wired that way.
you are a man i could easily fall in love with, so now i'm running away from you and you don't even care.

i've taken chances like this before.
i've broken my heart in the past with delusion of more, but now i'm taking my own advice.
i'm backing out your door before your shatter my heart across the floor.
you are passe about the whole thing.
i can't read you at all.
your lack of emotional response has been my wake up call, so now i feel justified in cutting myself free so abruptly.

the physical distance between us is the key in this change.
i can't let you get near enough to touch me.
my flesh would betray me.
my senses revel in the scent of you.
i must stay away from you.
i've imposed my own restraining order.
i have to save myself from how you make me feel.
i won't be able to survive another broken heart.

i can't complain about where i am.
i'm always the woman that ends up alone.
men want to play with me, but not stay with me.
i can't seem to find a man who will love me back.
i've gotten used to being second best, but i don't deserve that.
it's not my pride rescuing me this time.
i could love you with the heat of a million suns.
the chemistry will only take us so far and unfortunately, i want it all!

Cut and Paste

i wish i could cut you out of my life and paste in someone that wouldn't destroy me.
i want to erase your memory, but the photographs remind me.
i loved you too much and now it's killing me.
i walked the same path every day for so many years and i never saw it,
but now i'm seeing everything.

my heart is shattered and you're a free man.
no matter how many tears i cry;
nothing will change the fact you're gone, you're gone.

people change.
people grow.
people drift apart.
so every keeps telling me, but i don't care about people.
i only care about you.

when did we lose each other's pulse?
when did we get out of step?
i still remember every dance.
in my heart, we aren't that far apart, but you're still gone, you're gone.

i scream.
i lash out.
i get mean.
but after all the rage runs out,
nothing has changed, you're gone, you're gone.

i'm cold.
i'm alone.
i'm empty inside my heart.
why?
why?
why are you gone?

A Lot to Learn

i thought i was finished.
that was my mistake.
the work i need hasn't even begun.
my whole universe is a major construction zone.
i keep taking the detours,
but i never end up where i wanted to go.
i keep passing orange cones,
hoping to see the end of my road,
but there's more work to be done.

the glasses of youth let us see our potential.
the future is a secret so we don't lose hope.
if you were told by 40 you'd be fat, broke, divorced and alone;
your motivation to live wouldn't exist.
our immortality is a mere footnote on a census report.

i had goals to achieve.
i didn't plan for the mistakes.
i let people use me.
i let people hurt me.
i was so broken hearted i could not see
that these tests brought out the best in me.
i speak gentler now.
i am kinder now.
i've turned my own pain inside out.
i've flipped the sorrow over to help others.
my lessons are many, but i still have alot to learn.

Half Asleep

half asleep on a sunday morning,
killing time waiting for you.
i've spent up all of my patience.
the clock is the only thing changing here.
another minute i wish you were here,
but i won't be the one breaking down.
if you miss me as much as i miss you,
swallow your pride and call me.

you're so stubborn and stupid.
you would freeze to death
before you'd reach out to me.
i have some love put aside for you,
but it's not going to last forever.
let go of your self-control.
allow yourself to indulge,
while someone is here that wants you.

feelings are a stranger to you.
you accuse me of feeling too much,
but i'd rather be a live wire
then a dead circuit no one needs.
i've put alot of effort into loving you.
all i wanted was a chance,
but you never gave me that.
i am done with the games you play.
you never told me the rules anyway.
so i've got to move on now.

you got your righteous pride
and i've got a broken heart.
you think you're always right
and this time i think you're wrong.
no one could've loved you better,
but no matter what i do or say it's never enough.
i'm dropping my extra baggage
and picking up some optimism.

half asleep on a sunday afternoon,
realizing it's time to surrender.
i don't know what's to come,
but i know i won't be sharing it with you.
i have to build a future without you.

Lopsided

it was always a lopsided affair with you.
i was further along with you in my head and in my heart.
you never caught up to me,
you merely caught on to me.
and you burnt my house of delusions down.

you are dancing around with a pack of clowns.
my nightmares run on repeat.
i wish i could say this place is new,
but i've been here before.
all the old strangers are new friends.
nothing unites like the experience of a broken heart.

it's not like you didn't warn me.
you told me loving you was futile,
but i had hoped to out wait your defenses.
you were never fooled.
you learned quickly how i am.
i can no longer surprise you,
so you cancelled my harlequinn subscription.

you are laughing at my naked self.
my nightmares only grow worse.
i wish the weirdness was new,
but i've felt like this before.
all the old faces are blurred.
nothing wipes a slate clean like a freshly broken heart.

How do you do!

my name is shannon.
how do you do.
i'm horribly blue.
i had a man who wasn't true.
he left me broken into bits unlike you.

he wrapped me around his penis.
stripped away all of my good senses.
i couldn't see the ledge i was on until i fell into pieces.

i like to say i was shocked,
but i knew he'd knock me out of his park.
his mind spins count clockwise to mine.
he wouldn't agree to be my valentine.

love is like a jack in the box.
you can try to anticipate it,
but you still jump when it pops up.

i thought i had a handle on him.
my feelings sucker punched me.
out of thin air i fell in love with him.

how do you do.
i'm the fool that fell for a tin man
and i don't own an oil can.

Almost Right

it was almost right.
we had a shot,
but you shut us down.
you're the man i wanted,
but i'm not the woman you needed.

it's not right,
and it's not fair.
why can't i be the one you hold onto tight?
i'd love you for the rest of my life.

it was almost right.
i saw through your flaws
to a man i could love forever.
i don't know what to do.
you made your decision with cruel precision.

it's not good,
and it's not fun.
breaking hearts and crushing spirits on the run.
why couldn't i be the one you kiss goodnight?
i miss all your oddities.

it was almost right.
we almost belonged,
but now you've gone.
and i'm almost done crying.

Outside My Door

i can't pretend you're coming back to me.
all i fantasized about was you loving me.
obsession is a passionless lover.
bitterness is a faithful companion.
you tell me we're still friends,
but that's not good enough in the end.

i know enough to know myself.
i'll have to fight the urge to call.
suppress my need to email.
avoid facebook so i won't like you anymore.
it's so easy to reach out to you,
but you don't want me to!

i am trying to direct myself to another direction,
but i keep circling back around to you.
yeah, it was great while it lasted.
maybe my age makes me desparate,
but men just don't line up outside my door.
i had hoped you would be the last one,
but, alas, i was mistaken.