Beautiful November Day

it's a beautiful november day.
the world is spinning and people are living.
all around me there is life thriving.
i sit back.
i try to unwind and relax.
i want to ease these angry thoughts out of my mind.
i close me eyes and breathe deep and slow.
my search for calm begins to work.

my headache isn't pounding as hard now.
a little snowflake of hope is drifting around my soul.
it's getting colder outside but i am feel some warmth in my heart.
a precious moment of serenity has arrived.
i welcome the break.
i needed it.
disappointment let me be.

i've locked the heartache in a drawer labeled mistakes.
i've put my love on the highest shelf.
it's best to keep it there for now.
it's too soon to be handing out what hurts too much when things don't work out.
my sleep is all messed up.
my dreams are confusing to me.
the night brings my depression down hard on me.
i want the sun to never set.

my mind longs for a new man to obsess upon.
it's an addiction that's too easy to fuel.
i want real love.
someone i can touch.
not just a fantasy that disappears with the dawn.
i've never captured true love.
to be honest the concept baffles me.
how two people can meet and determine this the person for me to love.
i've always let desire and chemistry guide the way to who i wanted.
maybe that's why after a couple of months i get bored.

next time no sex until it's been a couple of months.
i have to stop rushing around like someone on meth.
i need to uncover the patience that has to be in me somewhere.
i can dream of all the happy endings i want,
but i'll be lonely forever if i can't make love last.

yes, it is a beautiful november day.
there's still enough time and a little bit of hope in me
that there's someone in this world for me to love.