More Candles on the Cake

soon another year passes me by and i increment my age plus one
my level of maturity is on the retarded level
i hate being the one person that everyone avoids

what happened to mother's little sunshine
i'm so bitter now and sadder then the moon when it's eclipsed by the sun
what are we to do with you
i smile and say it'll all be okay and then i change the subject
i bring around some frivoulous topic to my lips so we can all avoid my mental illness

here i am on the verge of losing everything and i'm so annoyed
i was a gifted student until i found it easier to play stupid
i got put in the easy classes and i coasted through
i would wear a smug smile knowing i was the smartest one in the class
i could avoid being challenged and it went by in a breeze

avoidance of my presence has become blatent even in cyberspace
i'm being blocked and unfriended at rapid rates
i feel so unloved and unwanted
nothing i do perks me up
i don't know how to stop the behavior that drives everyone away
if i did i'd do my best to stop it

i pull my own hair to feel something that is real
there's a pain that i cause when others see me
it's so unbearable that they all leave me
i circle and circle in on myself
the more candles on my cake the more i hate myself