Can Do

i can do this on my own
you get used to the guilt
the bed doesn't seem empty anymore
it just swallows you up to keep you warm
i don't feel lonely anymore
i feel relieved
no more tears and no more fears
i only answer to myself
i'm no longer held up to someone else's impossible standards
i have everything i need

i feel lighter
i think clearer without all your hot air surrounding me
i've reflected enough on the why
i'm doing myself proud
other people's happiness doesn't drag me down
life just got simpler

i smile to myself more often
don't feel sorry for me
i've finally set myself free
i no longer hold on to the cliches
this is paradise
i got all my stuff just the way i want it
the toilet seat is always down
i'm a big girl now

i can do this on my own and damn i do it good

Heartache and Hope

my heart is beating slower then i'm breathing.
i don't know what i'm needing to fix my plight.
i'm full of dismay. i'm tripping over ghosts.
all i have left is heartache and hope.

my condition feels me with loneliness in a crowded room.
i want to run away to try to outrun my pain.
i'm burning down my own disease. i'm falling into it.
hope comes and goes but my heartache never moves.

my standard's slip and he got through those cracks.
i shouldn't complain because he didn't stick around to finish the kill.
i'm regretting letting myself believe love exists. faith can't assist.
heartache and hope aren't enough to keep me strong.

my weakness overtakes my sensibilities.
i'm a special kind of fool wrapped up in past discretions.
i would love to taste freedom. everywhere i am is a prison.
heartaches are here for the long haul and i hope i'm able to handle it all!

my environment surrounds me with examples of kindness.
i think i can but i know i won't ever love again.
i'm a closet dreamer who is desperate to believe. i'm too scared to unlock the door.
hope isn't in control; only the heartache knows me.

my disaster destroyed me down to my core.
i don't want to be here anymore.
i'm ready to forgive him but i'll never forgive myself.
is there ever enough hope when the heartache never ends?

I Don't Mind the Quiet

I don't mind the quiet.
There's enough noise in my head.
When all is chaos the quiet is my friend.
I try to sort through all my thoughts and find the ones I've forgot.

I don't mind the quiet.
It brought me this song.
A soft reminder of my gentle soul.
I enjoy the moments of soundless bliss.
The comfort of quiet is refreshing after the busy of the day.

I don't mind the quiet.
I spent the last hour staring at the rain hitting the window.
I don't know where it all goes.
I think more when I can't hear you.

I don't mind the quiet.
I do get lonely sometimes and bored.
But after some time in silence I feel better.
I think the quiet washes me clean and prepares me for another day.

I don't mind the quiet.
Sometimes I do nothing at all.
No thoughts, no sorrows, no pain just quiet and calm.
This world spins so fast and the quiet never lasts.

I don't mind the quiet.
I miss it when I don't get it.
I need these tranquil moments to listen to my heart.
I know the quiet is a friend that never overstays its welcome.

I don't mind the quiet.
I wish I could have more, but life is loud, it wants to be heard.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
The quiet will leave me soon enough, but now I relish it!

Cheesy Rhyme

you make me ache. you make me quake.
this fire you've sparked burns out the dark.
i won't hesitate to be the one thing you celebrate.
my entire heart's at stake, please take!

lonely and bored you found me and made me your whore.
i hunger for your touch. i love you too much.
i adore your ambition. i am ready to receive your ammunition.
you have a lock on my heart, you hold the key to me!

bring it to me. have me choke it down!
hold on to me, even while you make me drown!
this fever grips me inside out! make me yearn!
i don't want you to ever stop! make me burn!

you have my heart in your hands. do you understand?
this ground i'm on is moving fast. do you think we'll last?
life didn't prepare me for you. will you teach me the drill?
i'm sinking into your quicksand. will you offer me your hand?

i meditate to the tune of your heart beat. i swoon when you sweep me off my feet.
there's no where else for me to fall. i have to have you all!
please cum in me tonight! i beg you to give me your baby to make it alright!
the thought of you inside me makes me hunger for you all night!

deep inside of my soul you awoke my dead dreams.
i had lost all my hopes until i stared into your hazel eyes for the first time.
now i pace with anticipation of your every kiss.
i can't express how much i miss you when you're gone.

i'm falling harder and faster then ever before.
you're the one i'm betting it all on.
i won't quit until every last bit of you is mine.
our hearts are becoming synchronized!

i read every text a million times. i want you all the time.
i can't let this go. i can't let you be.
i hang on every word you speak. you make me weak.
this will never be enough. i adore you way to much.

i spin around like i'm dancing on a cloud.
you've become my drug. i crave you insatiably.
you're my lover extraordinary under the covers.
i suck you dry to get my fix! we are the perfect mix!

i talk about you all day! my friends wish you'd go away.
i want to ride you like there's no tomorrow.
i want to make us both scream and holler.
whatever the price i will pay it to get you to stay!

this feeling elevates me to crown you my king.
i worship every move you make.
i long for you to touch me and make me shake.
there's nothing i'd rather do then to fuck you!

you've overtaken my senses. you leave me defenseless.
i'm blinded by your light. only you make wrong seem right.
i think about you day and night.
no cheesy rhyme can capture what we have with each other.

i still try to document all these emotions running over me.
my static vision focuses only on your cares.
i want to fly away with you somewhere near.
where time won't pass and we can retire into each other at last!

Outer Space

everyone is looking fatter to me.
is it my paranoia about my weight gain reflecting back onto me?
i obsess over the numbers on the wii.
i want to be in the normal zone so badly!
all my energy is being sucked away.
i can't help but think if i were thinner he'd be here today.

it helps to blame something physical.
when i know the problem is in my head.
it's easier to starve myself then to change.
i'm saving a lot of money this way.
i'm learning what my ribs look like again.

he said i was pretty, but i'm not prettier then her.
i know i can't win this race.
he'll marry her and live happily without me,
like i never existed!

he might as well be in outer space now,
because we aren't in each other's orbits anymore.
i miss him more then i realized i would.
the heartache fuels my depressed state.

once i give him what's due he'll disappear.
i want to owe him forever just so i can hold him.
all naughtiness comes to an end,
but i would love for him to bend me over again.

if i had courage my favorite color wouldn't be yellow
and i'd be bold enough to stake my claim.
but i can't and he won't,
so i sit here and choke on the tears i have no right to cry.
i'll embrace my lonely self and tuck myself in at night;
so i can pretend he dreams of me like i do him!

Ohio Cold

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.
if i were better behaved would you come back to stay?
it's dark by 6pm.
the single digit temperatures chase away all the warmth i have.
baby, please come home.
you're all i have to hold in this ohio cold.

these nights are wearing me down.
my heart is frozen solid and one more hurtful word from you
my heart will surely shatter;
as things do in this ohio cold.

am i not good enough for you?
you've forgotten me again, haven't you?
why do you run away from me and leave me to cry in this ohio cold?
i'm so tired and my bones ache.
i can't think clearly and you're so calm.
you aren't here suffering with me in this ohio cold.

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.

I Made Me

i'm a lonely person, but i made myself this way.
the agony is such a beautiful harmony.
i see the error of my ways, but only through the rear view mirror.

pull back the curtains on the windows,
open the blinds and let the sun blind me.
the light brings no warmth to my heart.
i've moved out from love's reach.
i'm too scarred to love and too afraid to feel.

i'm a desperate woman, but i made myself this way.
the rejection is such a perfect melody to my ears.
i see the mistakes i've laid and paid my dues.
the lessons never last longer then my heart's return to hunger.

open the doors and let the winter wind blow all the cobwebs away.
i feel the chill up my spine.
i feel the cold in my chest.
now this is more like home sweet home.
all i've accomplished over the years is how to perfect being cold and alone.

i'm a stupid person, but i made myself that way.
the abandonment such a sweet sad song to my soul.
i see the problems in every face i've met, but i've forgotten their names.
it's all so clear to me looking back through the years.

i never got the relationship rulebook.
i never could handle following, i had to lead.
i should behave but i'm too far gone to change.
i'm lonely, desparate, and stupid but i made me that way!

The Day After

i'm working so hard to get you off of my mind.
here i am staring out the window,
trying to force the clouds to not look like you.
if this is letting go, then what's holding on?
i've got to severe this hold you have on me
before it's the end of me.

the day after you left me i screamed and i cried.
i threw your stuff in the trash.
i ripped up all the pictures and tried to burn the happy times into ash.
the day after i said i'm over you i'm still lonely.

i'm dating and dancing at the bars.
i'm drinking and eating myself merry.
i'm hoping to fall in love with Scott tonight.
i'm thinking i've finally found the man to spend all my nights with.
it's all the hope i have to believe i can love again.

the day after i slept with Scott he still hasn't called.
i start wondering if i was wrong.
he seemed to be the right guy, but it's been so long,
i don't trust my own feelings anymore.
the day after i said who cares if he calls i'm still lonely.

is this how the rest of my life is going to be?
lonely and cold,
lonely and old,
i don't want to be desperate.
the day after tomorrow i'll get back out there.
i'll climb out of bed and try again.
the only hope i have left is that i'm able to fall in love again.

Beautiful November Day

it's a beautiful november day.
the world is spinning and people are living.
all around me there is life thriving.
i sit back.
i try to unwind and relax.
i want to ease these angry thoughts out of my mind.
i close me eyes and breathe deep and slow.
my search for calm begins to work.

my headache isn't pounding as hard now.
a little snowflake of hope is drifting around my soul.
it's getting colder outside but i am feel some warmth in my heart.
a precious moment of serenity has arrived.
i welcome the break.
i needed it.
disappointment let me be.

i've locked the heartache in a drawer labeled mistakes.
i've put my love on the highest shelf.
it's best to keep it there for now.
it's too soon to be handing out what hurts too much when things don't work out.
my sleep is all messed up.
my dreams are confusing to me.
the night brings my depression down hard on me.
i want the sun to never set.

my mind longs for a new man to obsess upon.
it's an addiction that's too easy to fuel.
i want real love.
someone i can touch.
not just a fantasy that disappears with the dawn.
i've never captured true love.
to be honest the concept baffles me.
how two people can meet and determine this the person for me to love.
i've always let desire and chemistry guide the way to who i wanted.
maybe that's why after a couple of months i get bored.

next time no sex until it's been a couple of months.
i have to stop rushing around like someone on meth.
i need to uncover the patience that has to be in me somewhere.
i can dream of all the happy endings i want,
but i'll be lonely forever if i can't make love last.

yes, it is a beautiful november day.
there's still enough time and a little bit of hope in me
that there's someone in this world for me to love.

Cursed

i'm going to surrender myself to your love.
the sacrifice i make is to lose my heart, but i hope i will be redeemed.
if you disagree all i'll have for company is misery.
i hate to suffer through another broken heart, so let yourself fall in love with me!

i've worked hard to find peace inside of me.
i want to give you everything, but i'm scared you don't feel the same.
it's enough to drive me insane.
life isn't worth living without taking risks and i'm all in for you!

i'm getting a strong sense of deja vu.
the pattern has begun to emerge.
you aren't on the same page as me,
i'm beginning to wonder if we are reading the same book.
you can't figure out where i'm coming from.
when did it become a crime to fall in love!

my stupidity knows no bounds.
i let my heart lead the charge and i've been executed.
you shake your head and wash your hands of me.
you refuse to take any responsibility.
you call me delusional and silly.
my heart shatters and my hopes scatter into the wind.

why is it always over before it even begins?
i get myself all wound up for nothing.
he let the air out of all my balloons.
why am i a toy for so many men?
i throw myself off the steepest cliff, but isn't that what love is?

i can't roll around in the mud of my regrets.
i'm stronger then the latest man to let me down.
i pack up my emotional baggage and put it on a shelf in my closet.
there's alway another one to love around the bend
and i don't ever hesitate jumping in.

i hate that lonliness has become my best friend.
i spend hours trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
i have multiple diagnosis, but no solutions.
love destroys me but i keep crawling back for more.
he was the latest in a long line of failures.
i find men easily, but i can't keep them around!

my heart and soul are bound to tragedy.
am i paying a price for some horrid past?
i never meant to break any hearts.
my tears have disappeared over the years.
i won't forget the words you said to me,
"you're too cold to ever keep a love alive"
i think you cursed me for good because i'm always alone.

Rapid Cycling

yet another day wasted in the abyss of nothing.
my sense of accomplishment unmet.
i prep for a night of bitter disappointment.
i am unfulfilled in all the roles life has cast me in.
the one i miss the most doesn't want me.

i try not to bore with my whine and tears.
even when i sneeze it's clear that no one cares.
not a single "bless you" is spoken.
silence is my new surround sound.

i've worn out the welcome mat.
i know you'll never ask me to come back.
i already tried to bridge our great divide
and i fell completely flat.

i built us in a day.
you tore us down in a minute.
the rapid cycling left me breathless.
the internet feeds on desparation and lonliness.

time is already marching on.
each hour brings me closer to another dawn.
one morning i'll awake
and no longer will you take a single thought in my day.
this is only the third time you've crossed my mind today.

i will get back up on the web,
and cast out my net once again.
hoping my last catch lasts,
but with the speed of a heart
and a few clicks of a mouse;
i have a hunch it won't be long until i'm back to single status again.

There You Are

i need some direction.
i need a little love and protection.
i need to fall into your arms.
that's where i belong.
i felt you in my heart.
the distance doesn't factor.
you're imprinted on my soul,
with you so far away,
i'm constantly in pain.

i lie down on the couch.
i close my eyes and there you are.
the smile, the blue eyes, the crooked teeth.
the laughter you give me.
the look that tells me you need me.
i just close my eyes and there you are.
if i could i'd lie here all day,
just to avoid the pain.

i need to hear you are okay.
i need reminded that you're mine.
i need some reassurances you feel the same.
i need your lips on mine,
that's where they belong.
i felt the heat in your touch.
every mile we're apart disappears when i dwell upon these thoughts.
your memory steadies me.
without you near i feel like i'm going insane.

so i lie down on the couch.
i close my eyes and there you are.

Self-Inflicted

my heartbreaks are self-inflicted.
i fall in love with the impossible.
i comply to appease,
then i supress contrary emotions.
until i erupt, like an emotionally
charged cussing volcano.

people think i'm happy this way.
i've just been burned one too many times.
i don't want to hurt anyone,
and i don't want to get hurt anymore.
so, i put myself in isolation.
my lonliness is self-inflicted
to protect myself from pain.

you'd think these realizations
would enable me to be a better person.
but my misery is self-inflicted.
logically, it all makes sense,
but the angsty teen in me refuses to believe
that love can end happily.

just once i'd like to break away
from my self-inflicted sadness.
and punish myself with some happiness.
but fear keeps a strict house
and i am her willing prisoner.
to be alone is to be calm.
to be calm is to find peace.
i need the peace to keep the pieces of
my shattered heart together.

Love is Hard

I break myself.
I hurt myself.
I am the criminal.

I'm searchingthrough my mind's database
for some sign of intelligent life,
but I'm all I have.

In the end you're always alone.
Why reach out?
Why touch?
Why feel?
I prepare for the end.
Being alone is easy,
Love is Hard.

I forget you.
I leave you.
I am the unattached.

I'm running down my past lovers,
asking them why did they leave,
but they won't answer me.

In the end you're always alone.
Why love?
Why dream?
Why hope?
I am ready for it to end.
Being alone is easy,
Love is hard.

Thought Two

I see people everywhere.
They look straight ahead.
Their heads facing downward in fear of making eye contact with others.
I am in a room full of people.
I am totally alone.
I can't feel anybody else's pain.
I am drowning in my own pool of misery.
Where did all the love for thy neighbor go?
Today every one is too on the go to pay attention to someone other then themselves.
It's a lose-lose situation.
The world gets colder while the crust gets hotter.
I look up to the sky and pray for all of the human race.

The Sun Still Shines

You wrapped me up in your arms.
You protected me from the darkness.
You hid me away from the world.
You cloaked me in brillance.
You dazzled me with your wit.
You charmed me with your kisses.

There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to be with you.
The world keeps turning.
The sun still shines.
But I'm so blue without you.

You trusted me with your secrets.
You respected my opinions.
You laughed at my jokes.
You coaxed me out of my shell.
You gazed at the stars with me.
You made me feel special.

There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to be with you.
The world keeps turning.
The sun still shines.
But I'm so blue without you.

Times have changed, you're not the same.
I feel stuck in the trap you made.
I feel I'm going in circles.
You've had enough of me.
You want out.

I don't understand you.
There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to be with you.
The world keeps turning.
The sun still shines.
But I'm so blue without you.

While You Were Gone

While you were gone, I thought about you every 5 seconds
I wondered if you were doing the same
I counted the seconds until you’d be home
While you were gone, I dreamed you were in my bed every night
I hoped you were alone in your bed every night
I wished you’d call me and say Hello
While you were gone, I convinced myself to let you go
I thought you didn’t matter to me anymore
I knew I was better off without you here with me
While you were gone, I went through an emotional epiphany
I made decisions on my own without your input
I went out alone and enjoyed it
While you were gone, the days got longer and the nights got shorter
The weather got warmer and rain came.
The weather got colder and snow came
While you were gone, I went back and forth
I couldn’t figure out what I needed from you
I wanted to know if I could do it by myself
While you were gone, I lost five pounds
I stopped eating chocolate for one week.
I lightened my hair to a strawberry blonde.
While you were gone, I contemplated my place in the cosmos.
I tried to picture us living together until we die.
I imagined what are children would look like.
While you were gone, I was sad.
I cried.
I was angry you left me alone.
While you were gone, I gained some perspective.
I took a few steps back on this road.
I fantasized a life where I didn’t need you.
While you were gone, I daydreamed about you.
I calculated what you would say about all this.
I tried to guess your reaction to my news.
While you were gone, I drove myself mad.
I went crazy with thinking what if I did that or this.
I spent way too much time on you.
Now your back and I can’t tell you any of this.
Now your back and it’s like you never left.
Now your back and I don’t know what to do about that.

After 8 pm

8:25PM here I am thinking about you again. In the stillness of the night my mind races. I get caught up in my dreams. So many hopes rest upon your shoulders. I’m sorry I’m not much help. I do all I can from sinking under my despair. It’s all on you. Be strong, I need you. You’re all I have. I hold on tight. I pray I don’t squeeze you to death. Rest easy tonight. Peace comes with the light. Peace comes with the light.

8:30PM here I am wondering what you’re doing. You’re so far away where I can’t touch you. I worry about big things and silly stuff. Are you safe? Are you warm? Did you laugh today? I miss your smile the most. It’s warmth cheered my soul. Now it’s dark and cold. I feel so alone. It’s all on you. Be strong. I need you. You’re all I have. I hold on tight. I pray I don’t squeeze you to death. Rest easy tonight. Peace comes with the light. Peace comes with the light.

8:33PM here I am twirling my hair. I’m closing my eyes and wishing you were here. The day goes by so quickly. I keep my mind diverted from your image, but now is the time you settle in on my mind. My dreams can’t hold me or kiss me or keep me warm. It’s been too long since we’ve touched. I miss you. I love you so much. I remember peace will come with the light. So rest easy tonight. Peace will come with the light.

Losing You

I forget who you are. You don’t call me anymore. We don’t talk anymore. My hopes grow smaller each day. I’m losing all I remember about you.

Your smile is fuzzy. Your laughter is fading. I can’t remember your touch. I’m losing you.

I feel it so strongly and it’s wrong. I can’t hold on to you. You’re slipping through the cracks of my mind. My heart is getting colder toward you every minute you’re gone.

I’m closing the door on us. Time is destroying us. The stars will be in the night sky for centuries to come, but our love won’t last past the next dawn.

I’ve been neglected and I’m tired of the worry and sick of the waiting. All that I wanted was you here with me so we’d have a chance but with every new day I realize you’re never going to be here with me. And I hate the pain. I’m losing you.

I get static from all my friends and family about you. I had enough doubts on my own without their’s being added on to them. I’m scared to be alone and the longer this takes the more real my fear becomes.

I don’t mean to be pessimistic but it seems pre-destined. We shined so bright and burned so hot that we couldn’t go on forever without blowing up. I’m losing you and it sucks.

All I want

I can’t eat when you’re upset with me. You talk to me like I can’t feel you but I do. And it makes me so sad because your words drive home the fact you’ll never be mine I have myself every time I lean on you. I tell myself to let go, but I’m holding on. It’s self-destructive, I know, but I can’t stop. Loving you is all I want. You’re all I want. I have you memorized. Your lines deepen when I make you smile. I feel the warmth of your gaze upon my breasts. But the next day those eyes are cold and uncaring. I want to know what you want from me. What do you want me to do? I try to avoid the cliché’s. I bury myself in the work, it soothes me. I’m trapped within my thoughts. I’m hurt, but you’re playing victim. You say I expect too much and maybe I do. But it’s because I need you near me. I miss you holding me. When you push me away it causes me so much pain. When all I want is to love you. Why won’t you let me love you?