Reverse Psychology

men and the mysteries of love
i've never given up the search
my life a cornacopia of sad love songs
all my intelligence led me astray
i forgot when looking for love
you have to think with your heart

my brain interfers every time
i'm an eyeore down to my core
i sit and wait for my house to fall down
you get the worse when you expect it
i can't feel but i can see
he wasn't what i needed
no man has ever been
because he doesn't know the answer
to that same question i keep askin'

magic and astrology are for fools
i still hope for a miracle
but i'm a skeptic
my lovers read off like rides at a carnival
each brought me a little thrill
but they all packed up and left
leaving no trace they were ever here

my brain meddles every time
i'm a cynic of the worst kind
i know i'll get hurt
so i find men that will let me down
if you go up you got to come down
and all i think about is me
i'm so wrong and right
i love men and i love to hurt

Abandoned Experiment

my eyes can see what you did.
my ears can hear what you said,
but my brain refused to process it.
the data you've supplied is incomplete.
i reached deep into my heart
to pull out all the stops.
i told you i was all in.
i heard you agree to do the same.

i'm confused.
your lack of explanation is frustrating.
you tell me you've said your peace,
but what about me?
i didn't get a chance to respond.
you always have to have the last word.

my senses have disengaged.
my soul is in a dark gloomy place,
but my brain paces around your memories.
the information i have has been analyzed
to figure out what went wrong.
i can't get it to make sense.
the puzzle is together,
but the picture isn't clear.

i'm baffled.
your words could fill the grand canyon,
but no where in them is a reason.
did you tell me you loved me
just to see if you could get someone to love you?
i feel like an experiment that has been abandoned
after the results were not to your satisfaction.

my body relaxes under the influence.
my dreams are filled with alternate endings,
but my brain chases your words to dead ends.
like a hamster on an excercise wheel,
i can't stop repeating every memory.
i think you stained me permanently.

Right Before Bed

Consciousness is fading fast, blackness is coming. i can't escape, everything is blurry. my heart beats loudly in my head. my hands are disconnected from my brain. how i learn is how to be anyone but me.

Rave like a lunatic, cower like a mutt. take over someone's life and leave them in the dust. build a coffin and fill it up with chocolate bars and cans of dr. pepper; i'll crawl right in with my i-pod blaring songs i love and you can bury me happily in the dirt.

Take my pulse. take my temp. check my throat, all you get is fake complaints and vanishing pains that come and go as they damn well please.

I can't be your lover or your friend. i want to have sex with you then kick you out. use you like i've been used. keep the damage flowing downhill. one day i'll make myself unusable.

My sole defense is insanity. the storm's racing through and flash flooding me. i can't stop these problems i have. i've been crying for over an hour and can't recall why it began. is that an issue, i don't understand.

Dreams of death mean life in reverse. i give birth to identical sextuplets but all it means is that my ideas are many but basically all the same in truth. i encompass what darkness embraces, encurable emotionally unprovoked mood swings.

See me through the hand that rocks an empty cradle. turn the mirrors on me, let me see the dark circles that surround my soul. beauty, death, hope, fear, incantations, carnations, roses, petunias, magic, and flirtations.

I'm a fool. i'm love's willing tool. i'm rusty from being left out in the rain. no one came back. no one came back to put me away. houses screaming, landscapes changing, how i hold down the fort is something i do just like breathing.

i can burn the house down and walk to the next state to my left and begin again until the fire is extinguished, then i'll do it again, until i burn out all the pain i'm in. sometimes i'm scared of me.