Sparrows and Lost Loves

why do people sing about sparrows and lost loves
when i can only summon chocolate wrapped bacon dreams?
baffle me again and again,
oh this muse of mine huffs cheap cleaner behind the dollar general,
and i drop the ball again!

cascading doubts wash me out.
i've got dirt under my nails again.
i don't want to fuss or deal with the mess.
hide me in plain sight;
ignore my stupid plight.
does anyone have a chocolate bunny?
i could use a bite!

why do people drive around in circles everyday to go to a job
that barely pays when i want to run away and play?
baffle me again and again,
oh this soul of mine yearns to buy some extra spirit to numb all this boredom,
and i kick myself while i'm down again!

righteous voices drown me out.
i'm full of dirty thoughts.
i have no fight left so just knock me out.
smother what remains of the fire inside;
turn a blind eye to my pathetic cries.
does anyone have some matches?
i could use the heat!

why do i pick men that walk through me like i'm a window,
and i cry when they leave?
baffle me again and again,
oh this heart of mine plays me for the fool all the time;
acting like i got feelings to spare and no cares.

falling fears surround me.
the dirt hurts.
i'll never be clean again.
i call out for help to silence;
once again i'm underwhelmed by artistic license.
i sink deeper into the nothingness!
does anyone have some pie?
i'd like to have one more slice before i die.

I Made Me

i'm a lonely person, but i made myself this way.
the agony is such a beautiful harmony.
i see the error of my ways, but only through the rear view mirror.

pull back the curtains on the windows,
open the blinds and let the sun blind me.
the light brings no warmth to my heart.
i've moved out from love's reach.
i'm too scarred to love and too afraid to feel.

i'm a desperate woman, but i made myself this way.
the rejection is such a perfect melody to my ears.
i see the mistakes i've laid and paid my dues.
the lessons never last longer then my heart's return to hunger.

open the doors and let the winter wind blow all the cobwebs away.
i feel the chill up my spine.
i feel the cold in my chest.
now this is more like home sweet home.
all i've accomplished over the years is how to perfect being cold and alone.

i'm a stupid person, but i made myself that way.
the abandonment such a sweet sad song to my soul.
i see the problems in every face i've met, but i've forgotten their names.
it's all so clear to me looking back through the years.

i never got the relationship rulebook.
i never could handle following, i had to lead.
i should behave but i'm too far gone to change.
i'm lonely, desparate, and stupid but i made me that way!

Reverse Psychology

men and the mysteries of love
i've never given up the search
my life a cornacopia of sad love songs
all my intelligence led me astray
i forgot when looking for love
you have to think with your heart

my brain interfers every time
i'm an eyeore down to my core
i sit and wait for my house to fall down
you get the worse when you expect it
i can't feel but i can see
he wasn't what i needed
no man has ever been
because he doesn't know the answer
to that same question i keep askin'

magic and astrology are for fools
i still hope for a miracle
but i'm a skeptic
my lovers read off like rides at a carnival
each brought me a little thrill
but they all packed up and left
leaving no trace they were ever here

my brain meddles every time
i'm a cynic of the worst kind
i know i'll get hurt
so i find men that will let me down
if you go up you got to come down
and all i think about is me
i'm so wrong and right
i love men and i love to hurt

About a Man

my life has become a one sided conversation.
i speak to you but you're not even here.
the disaster is evident in the pill bottles scattered on the bathroom counter top
and the dropped pills on the floor.
i never bother to pick them up because there's always more.

i drown a little every time you reach out to hit me with your angry words.
i sink below the surface of your hate even more.
i broke under the weight of your expectations.
just when i begin to show some progress, you pop up and drag me under once more.

i'm a good person trapped in your bad mood.
the perpetual shifts in your demeanor swing me until i get sick off all the emotions.
let me go. let me down. let me out of this miserable relationship and your twisted revenge.
life is simple for most, but for me it's always been so damn confusing.

yes, as usual, it's all about a man!
it always has been.
the current mistake hurts the most.
i thought i'd gotten it right, but i was kidding myself.

24 Ways

i got to stop thinking, that's when my troubles start.
when i think i got it all figured out, that's when it falls apart.
i keep putting all my eggs in one broken basket.
i think that makes me the basket case.

i don't know why i am always out of place.
all guys want to do is play with my boobies;
then they're off to find someone prettier then me.
i've given up trying to fulfill my own desires.

i was hoping you'd be different, but you aren't,
as long as i have a choice, i will choose the wrong man.
i'm drawn to the ones that play my heart strings.
they master me then they want someone else.
the right woman is always the woman after me.

the longest relationship i've had was 4 years.
he spent 2 of them out of the country,
we waited 18 months for the divorce to finalize,
so he spent a whopping 6 months under the same roof as me.
he cried, as he screamed at me, you are impossible to love.
i think it hurt so bad, because i knew he was right.

am i so awful? selfish? cold? distant? crazy?
i could go on with the list of adjectives i've been called,
but it would take all day to get through them all.
i've tried to grow and learn from each failure.
i've found out 24 ways how NOT to have a successful relationship.
maybe number 25 will be the one that it all comes together perfectly!

i've dumped a few and a few have dumped me.
so it's pretty much even on that front.
i've never cheated, but i've lied.
i know there were times i could have tried hard,
but i get bored so easily.

in these moments of self-reflection,
i see the would haves, could haves, and the should haves,
all lined up in one long funeral procession.
i have my own dirge to dance around to in my head.

i still dare to hope that somewhere out there,
beyond the fear,
i hear of soul mates and whispers of ever-lasting love.
i'm not that ambitious though,
but a smackerel of love just might be enough to see me through!

Given Up the Ghost

i am feeling every fat cell tonight
i am weighed down by my heavy sighs
the only control i have is over myself
and i have failed at executing that
you toyed with my hormones
i was on a righteous track
but now i have fallen into the sinner's rack.

Jesus sat with the ones that needed saved
so right now he should be beside me
because i need him now more then ever
my bible offers me no respite
i still dream of fucking you every night

i am feeling every mile i have ever walked
my pain reminds me i am real
i have fallen all over the place
and i do not know if i can get back up again
i had fire burning through my veins
and i burst into lust filled flames

God i know i have disappointed you
right now i am a dirty minded whore
because i want him more then i want you
the scriptures tell me to flee
but i can not think when he is near me

i am feeling every regret i have ever had
my poor decisions drain me
the bottle brings a complete blackout
but i can not stay unconscious forever
eventually, i will have to take responsibility

the Holy Ghost has no love left to give me
i have no fight in me
i want to be wrong
but there is no more doubt
i have given up the Ghost for a man!

Hot Men

i have no idea what i am doing.
my instruction booklet is in simlish.
out of left field came an unexpected offer.
i could not process it, so i laughed.
now time has passed and i want a do over,
but the chance has passed.

waves and smiles are exchanged,
like nothing changed.
i'm amazed at the power of intentional forgetfulness.
i wonder what you would do,
if i winked and blew you a kiss?
mix it up and have some fun with you.

i know i made the right decision.
physical delights are temporary.
i'm missing the spiritual connections.
my mind runs through the possibilities,
but my history predicts a horrible end.
when i play with hot men,
i'm always the one who burns!!!

Thought One

Am I real?
Did I imagine me?
I feel like I am so much more then what others see me to be.
I don't know what to do about it.
I am perplexed over my anxiety to over achieve.
I am lazy and restless.
I am bored and depressed.
I want to be in love.

I want a man.
Yes, I confessed.
I want a man in my life.
My other half whether it's for better or worse.
I am tired of facing off with the world alone.
I am trying too hardto be what a man would find appealing.
I pursue any man that shows interest until his interst is killed by my over enthusiasm.
I can't win for losing.