Finish It!

all the little houses look the same
all the little people in them are insane
i take my pain in short strides
just keep walking
just keep walking
until i kickstart my brain

never realized how hard it is
to bring him to the same page
he's wrapped up in her
i don't care if they call me a theif
i'm just a girl looking for some free love

all the little trees line up perfectly
all my lies are collapsing in on me
no one see past my smiles
just keep talking
just keep talking
until i kill the fear

never thought i'd get caught up in his web
he's smoother then his bald head
he's teasing me with his kisses
i wasn't the one who started it
i'm just the girl who knows how to finish it!

A Heavy Heart

insanity furrows my brow.
i'm frenzied to find a way out.
problems run across my mind.
solutions are just beyond my reach.
i'm angry then bored.
i shut myself down for the night.
maybe in my sleep i'll unwind.

depression fuels my frown.
i truly have a heavy heart.
it beats so slowly it almost stops.
i've been waiting for a friend,
but no one comes here.
i swim in my tears
and make me a blanket from my fears.

recklessness has formed my scars.
i'm patched together by threads of hope.
i bury myself behind my anxiety.
my hands are so wrung they look older then i am.
my fractures criss and cross along my soul.
i long to once again be whole,
but the light fades before the idea can take hold.

caution defines every step i take.
heavy sighs follow every breath.
it hurts in ways i don't understand.
i belong to no one here.
i once had pockets full of dreams.
now i'm broken out of my seams.
i've betrayed myself against my own wishes.

Mental

i've got this idea spinning around inside my head.
i see the world differently, but you never believe me.
i hear what's not there and i think thoughts that promote fear.
weird is a second skin that fits me like a glove.

i pick up my shattered ego and
get my glue out to put me back together again.
i tell you i'm mental;
insanity and my personality are one,
but you insist i'm wrong.
when you're mental it comes down to time.

i've got your face running in a loop.
my tracks are laid the wrong way.
i run through the dialogue.
i want to be sure he'll stay.
but it's never perfect and the up's always have a down.
flip a coin to see which me you get tonight.

i pick up my fragile soul,
hold it close to warm it up.
i told you i'm mental;
you think it's a silly kind of crazy,
but it's uglier then you think.
when you're mental it comes down to time.

i run out of time when you've had enough
and make a run for the door.
they all leave me, only the when changes,
time is the enemy when you're mental like me.

Right Before Bed

Consciousness is fading fast, blackness is coming. i can't escape, everything is blurry. my heart beats loudly in my head. my hands are disconnected from my brain. how i learn is how to be anyone but me.

Rave like a lunatic, cower like a mutt. take over someone's life and leave them in the dust. build a coffin and fill it up with chocolate bars and cans of dr. pepper; i'll crawl right in with my i-pod blaring songs i love and you can bury me happily in the dirt.

Take my pulse. take my temp. check my throat, all you get is fake complaints and vanishing pains that come and go as they damn well please.

I can't be your lover or your friend. i want to have sex with you then kick you out. use you like i've been used. keep the damage flowing downhill. one day i'll make myself unusable.

My sole defense is insanity. the storm's racing through and flash flooding me. i can't stop these problems i have. i've been crying for over an hour and can't recall why it began. is that an issue, i don't understand.

Dreams of death mean life in reverse. i give birth to identical sextuplets but all it means is that my ideas are many but basically all the same in truth. i encompass what darkness embraces, encurable emotionally unprovoked mood swings.

See me through the hand that rocks an empty cradle. turn the mirrors on me, let me see the dark circles that surround my soul. beauty, death, hope, fear, incantations, carnations, roses, petunias, magic, and flirtations.

I'm a fool. i'm love's willing tool. i'm rusty from being left out in the rain. no one came back. no one came back to put me away. houses screaming, landscapes changing, how i hold down the fort is something i do just like breathing.

i can burn the house down and walk to the next state to my left and begin again until the fire is extinguished, then i'll do it again, until i burn out all the pain i'm in. sometimes i'm scared of me.