Zombie

april showers won't bring me may flowers.
i feel sad.
the sun shines brightly.
the birds are singing a joyous song,
but i feel sad all day long.
i live in between the past and the present
like a self-created limbo.

4:21 AM i can't sleep again.
images of you taunting me.
your kisses damned me to this barely here existence.
i can't even masterbate anymore.
you robbed me of all pleasures.
i've gained seven pounds of depression.

my monthly bloating and cramping are here.
another reminder i wasn't good enough.
if i don't crawl out of this pain soon
they're just going to abandon me here.
i can already hear the exasperation in their voices.
the down side to bipolar is every one gets tired of your mood swings.

i'm stuck on misery.
from january to april i have mourned you.
my grieving has consumed me
and i've tried to consume enough pizza for sixty.
nothing satisfies my cravings for your touch.

april showers won't bring the power to forget you.
i feel sad.
the dog rolls happily in the grass.
i hear the laughter of children playing,
but i feel sad every day.
i live in a perpetual state of a self-induced zombie like state.

Consumer

I'm full, belly round, gutteral moans
are my only sound. I over consumed again.
I doomed myself with free pancakes.
I miss my self-control.
I don't think past my plate.
I hate myself.
I hate my mouth.
I hate to eat but it's a need.

I ache, back arched, dull throbs
attack my nervous system.
My extra poundage is breaking me down.
I know what I need to do.
I know I won't be able to do it.
I hate myself.
I hate my brain.
I hate to admit I need help.

I consume, arms outstretched, wallet empty
and credit card strip worn out.
I can't control my urges.
I miss my ability to walk away.
I am not strong enough to say no.
I hate myself.
I hate my consumptional ways.
I hate that only death will free me.