Outer Space

everyone is looking fatter to me.
is it my paranoia about my weight gain reflecting back onto me?
i obsess over the numbers on the wii.
i want to be in the normal zone so badly!
all my energy is being sucked away.
i can't help but think if i were thinner he'd be here today.

it helps to blame something physical.
when i know the problem is in my head.
it's easier to starve myself then to change.
i'm saving a lot of money this way.
i'm learning what my ribs look like again.

he said i was pretty, but i'm not prettier then her.
i know i can't win this race.
he'll marry her and live happily without me,
like i never existed!

he might as well be in outer space now,
because we aren't in each other's orbits anymore.
i miss him more then i realized i would.
the heartache fuels my depressed state.

once i give him what's due he'll disappear.
i want to owe him forever just so i can hold him.
all naughtiness comes to an end,
but i would love for him to bend me over again.

if i had courage my favorite color wouldn't be yellow
and i'd be bold enough to stake my claim.
but i can't and he won't,
so i sit here and choke on the tears i have no right to cry.
i'll embrace my lonely self and tuck myself in at night;
so i can pretend he dreams of me like i do him!

Pretty I am Not

Pretty I am not.
a jester i had caught.
love and laughter self-taught.
but flowers you bring me not.

liar i am.
covered in i can'ts.
you only cheat.
but you i choose to keep.

inappropriate words i spoke.
took away all of your rope.
stole and hid your hopes.
offered you a coke.
but you choked.

filled with ego.
stoked your fires.
poked you so you'd go.
got it as good as you gave it.
but no one forgets it.

you had an itch to scratch.
i had sharp nails.
you gave me your back.
about gave me a heart attack.
but i kept coming back.