Ranting

you know i try not to form opinions it feels like i'm catching a disease
i like my mustard on everything please
let's skip from the end to the beginning who needs the middle to understand
i cut up both of my hands just to see if i bled like a man

trivial pursuits bog down my heart
my little thoughts blow up bridges as i depart
you can't go anywhere with me
every time i flee i have to double back just to pee
up is a good day and down is most of my days
i wish you'd come around but wishes don't feed me

i feel a Godly grief deep in my bones
i beg the doctor to prescribe some relief but i never get any
i try to meditate to clear my head but i keep thinking you would love me more if i were dead
heart beats and dream dates never co-exist
all i seek is eternal bliss

i play the game not knowing the rules
i feel the pain thinking it is the ultimate truth
i conquer one fear to gain five more
this wheel is chasing me uphill
if affliction does us good i should be nominated for sainthood
rhyme and reason confuse all that is important only matters to you

set up the fall and begin the countdown to my demise
take good pictures or a video
i want to look tall and photo shop off fifty pounds
i don't want to look fatter than i already do
oh here i go again ranting like the mad woman that i am

Break Itself Apart

i'm slipping back into bad habits.
you're bringing me emotions i thought i had resolved.
i asked you to come back.
i was stupid to do that.
i answer the call of my heart.
even if it's wanting to break itself apart.

i was surprised you agreed to be here with me once more.
i warned you a part of me was still in love with you.
i never told you that part of me was my heart.

i've tried to move on.
i've gone on dates.
i've been screwing around, but your name hovers on my lips with every kiss.
i don't want to string someone else along when i can't fall in love with them.

i love the way you work yourself up into a frenzy.
you have to have the last word in.
it can be maddening, but i find your passion intoxicating.
i never want to stop partaking in your intellectual double talk.

the way you touch me stokes my desires into burning higher.
i know this will only break my heart.
i can't deny what my heart wants.
even if it's wanting to break itself apart.

it only crys for you.
it never listens to my reasons not to.
my heart loves committing high treason.
and i'm left with the fall out.

you changed a few things.
we don't talk every day this time.
you're working hard to draw the lines.
the sex got better, i got thinner and you got fatter.
six months had passed with no contact, but we came together hotter then ever.

the future isn't clear.
my heart has become ensared by you again.
i love the way you relish the mundane.
your zest for enjoying the little things amazes me.

i thought i'd learn my lesson.
you had schooled me and i cried like an empty headed fool.
but here i am ready to be yours again.
my heart's yearning is stronger then my will to refuse it.

you once told me i was self-indulgent.
now i'm wishing i wasn't.
my heart can't let you go.
even thought its wanting you will cause it to break itself apart once more.