Justice

fear, it lives, it breathes, it wraps itsefl arond me.
i strangle. i choke. i suffocate.
i am a sentient being.

doubt, it thrives, it grows, it divides me in two.
i sink. i struggle. i drown.
i am a creature of God's design.

my heart is in the hands of the Holy Ghost.
i tend to my wandering soul.
my path of pleasure led me straight to pain.
my integrity sold at a bargain basement price.
i relied on my own judgements to live.
i built my own personalized Hell one sin at a time.
i felt my rebellion just, but justice never came.

mercy, it exists, it fulfills, it gives of itself freely.
i beg. i receive. i give.
i am a candle of the Lord.

love, it binds, it cures, it takes away all the hurt.
i want. i need. i have.
i am a child of God.

my heart has been cleansed by God's command.
i aligned myself with His commandments.
my life begins where my sins died.
i can no longer seperate myself from Him.
this new life feels strange to me,
but my thoughts are pure and strong.
i abandoned my revolt and justce finally came.

Retreat

a great difficulty has arisen within me.
i am restless and wracked with worry.
it is because i need to be needed.
my soul is reaching out into the darkness,
but it only finds emptiness.
God created me, so he must need me!
why do i feel so alone?

i have withdrawn my affections from you.
i have bundled them up inside my heart.
i do not want to be rejected again.
my heart can not take much more heart ache.
angels do not communicate with me,
but i listen for the flutter of their wings every day.

a debilitating sadness has overcome me.
i am sorrowful and full of shame.
it is because i have no purpose.
my soul withers on the vine.
it is dying from having no one to love.
does God bring me this pain so i remember to love Him?

i have begun to build a wall around me.
i have shut off all my emotions.
i am imperfect and ugly.
my diseases infect others like a poison.
i have to hide myself away to save them.

a tremble ripples through my body.
there is no tidal wave of kindness to make me better.
every one knows i am defective.
even God averts His gave from my visage.
i have been cast out from His love.
i must retreat into myself
and try to overthrow my own rebellion.