The Day Drags

as the day drags on i wonder why i bother to try;
my efforts end in disappointment.
pain is my only friend.
with every new ache i debate where my road leads.
goals seem futile.
dreams seems implausible.
hopes seem irresponsible.
yes, the more the day drags on the more restless i become.

as the day drags on it is beating me down.
every minute feels like forever.
time stops and taunts.
with every second i long to leave.
work is pointless.
planning is useless.
thinking is worthless.
yes, the more the day drags on the more i hate it.

as the day drags on i feel like i'm dying.
my flesh grows wrinkled.
my heart slows.
with every new gray hair i wish this day would end.
laughing seems futile.
smiling seems painful.
happiness seems beyond my reach.
yes, the more this day drags on the more i'm over it.

Dare To Be Myself

i feel heavy, like i've been sedated.
the lime green fleece blanket wrapped around me is the only warmth i feel.
he's not what i need, but he's what i want.
i'm cursed with a restless heart and a high sex drive.
even if i get to keep him, i will leave him.
my soul is scheduled for a thorough cleaning, but i keep cancelling.
i'm not ready to be righteous.
my questions keep tackling me within one yard of the goal line.

comfort and comfortable is all i seek and need.
there's an excitement to playing with matches.
you hope one catches you on fire, but you cry when it does,
because the burns hurt and the scars are ugly.
this is my typical pattern of behavior, it leads me to these dark places.
if i could see past my emotions i'd have room to breath.
everyone is annoying me.

all i do is wait.
i'm waiting for a call.
i'm waiting for an email.
i'm waiting for a text.
i'm waiting for a test result.
my life is on pause.

if you promise to catch me, i promise to let go and fall.
i don't know where i belong.
nothing has ever fit me.
God gave me so many people who love me, but he never gave me the gift to love them back.
there's something broken in me.
i can't keep pretending it'll all be okay.

i say all seven of his sacred names, but the prayer brings no relief of my pain.
these ups and downs are making me dizzy.
when will i settle into something real.
my illusions cushion me from what is cruel.
i want to dare to be different, but i am different.
so i just need the courage to dare to be myself!