The Day Drags

as the day drags on i wonder why i bother to try;
my efforts end in disappointment.
pain is my only friend.
with every new ache i debate where my road leads.
goals seem futile.
dreams seems implausible.
hopes seem irresponsible.
yes, the more the day drags on the more restless i become.

as the day drags on it is beating me down.
every minute feels like forever.
time stops and taunts.
with every second i long to leave.
work is pointless.
planning is useless.
thinking is worthless.
yes, the more the day drags on the more i hate it.

as the day drags on i feel like i'm dying.
my flesh grows wrinkled.
my heart slows.
with every new gray hair i wish this day would end.
laughing seems futile.
smiling seems painful.
happiness seems beyond my reach.
yes, the more this day drags on the more i'm over it.

Overworked!

my mind is racing.
my heart is chasing shadows again.
i search for meaning behind the words i am reading,
but i am lost.

i am spending too many hours working for my paycheck
and not enough towards saving my soul.
my 5th straight week with nearly 60 hours worked.
i've forgotten where work ends and my life is supposed to begin.

there's no relief in sight for this overtime
and the worst part is i'm salary.
so the more i work, the more my hourly rate drops.

i'm so tired.
last night i even worked in my sleep.
i don't know how much longer i can keep this pace.
my butt and lower back have constant cramps.

i work at work.
i work at home.
i even answer emails when i'm on the road.

i'm burning this tight rope from both ends.
i have no safety net to break my fall.
i've use the past 20 minutes to walk around and stretch.
the day started at 6am and it shows no sign of ending.

this is just the beginning.
the busy season begins in september.
i have until the end of august to get all my systems in a row.
then we dig into our backlog of work.
my vacation will be working ones.

this has to be why 1 out of 4 americans are depressed.
i'm overworked and stressed.
i have sharp pains in my chest.
i'm thankful for the job, but work knows it.
it's still hard to find work.

the economy is not as recovered as dc hoped.
so i think i will find a way to cope.
most of my coping skills are destructive.
i need to learn some new tricks.

my 20 minutes are up.
it's back to the keyboard.
bck to work.
am i wicked?
cuz i hear there's no rest for the wicked!

Waste of a Day

i feel the energy drain from my body.
i woke up exhausted,
like i ran a marathon in my sleep.
i'm not sure what it means, but today is hard on me.
i'm sitting quietly in my assigned seat.
ipod plugged into my ears.
i zone out and pray 5pm comes quickly.
my brain is parked in neurtral for the day.

i don't want to move a single inch,
but the candy is at the end of the hall.
chocolate sounds really good to me right now.
i weigh the pro's and con's of getting up.
i decide to stay put unitl after lunch.
i know i'm not the only one to have a day like today.

my internal monologue continues unabated.
i lose myself in nonsensical thoughts.
i dart and skip from one fantasy to another.
work tries to pull me away but i resist.
i know i'm expected to give 100%,
but the 10% i have today barely runs me.
i can't even remember how to transfer a call!

i think it's safe to say this is a waste of a day.
so i pull completely into my shell.
close my eyes and drift off into hell.
tomorrow i can try again to be better,
but today i'm just not going to win.
i take some pills for the pain.
i say a prayer and call it a day!

Perfect World

i'm getting lost inside my mind.
i sit and conjure up my own happily ever after.
there's a big house full of screaming kids and
a man that loves me more then anything,
in my perfect world.
time are good and laughter is free.
there's no where else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world is just a dream.

the place where i breathe isn't everything i'd thought it would be.
i sleep along, i eat alone, i talk to the dog.
the one kid i have is grown
and it's just me, with nothing to do but kill time.
so every chance i get i close my eyes to escape to my perfect world.

in my perfect world, there's water fights on hot summer days,
and cuddling in front of a fire on a cold winter nights.
there's a dinner table full of my babies.
someone spilled the milk and another one yells dibs on the last roll.
there's no place else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world doesn't belong to me.

the real world is eight hours surrounded by cubicle walls,
coming home to an empty house,
heating up dinner in the microwave,
just me with nothing to do but kill time.
10 pm is bed, my favorite part of the day,
when i close my eyes and fade into my perfect world.

Envy the Dog

the dog stares at me while i work
she's outside chilling and i'm inside working
she has the right ideal about today

it's beautiful outside and she wants to play
but i have to work on the computer
and she doesn't understand
doggy food doesn't come free

her nana has to pay the bills
oh, today is on of thosse days
where i envy my dog!!!

Weekend

cram it all in,
keep your head down,
and race the clock to get ahead.
your whole world holds its breath
in antcipation of a long weekend.

don't ask any questions,
they'll just open confusion's door.
5 pm is the goal.
sooner is better, later is not an option.
you have plans and hopes for this weekend.

the work week sucks you dry.
the light dims behind your eyes
you need down time to unwind,
to live your passions,
and regnite the light inside.

you give more then you have.
it's time to take some back.
kick back and relax,
let the world spin without you for a minute.
nothing will explode if you don't open your e-mail.
the weekend is here
and it doesn't last forever.

no one expect more from you then you do.
cut yourself some slack.
life is brief and eternity is endless.
pick and choose your moments
and keep the weekend for yourself.
you've earned it so enjoy it!

Dollar and Cents

day in and day out, same old crap to whine about.
i watch the shadows fade in and out.
one more day sitting at a generic desk.
this job robs me of who i am,
but feeds me what every one else demands.

one more day with a boss breathing down my neck.
i always screw something up,
but it's never enough to get me canned.
playing footsie with unemployment.
if there's no cause, i still get a check;
my life is nothing more then dollars and cents.

i go through the motions every day.
i check the tasks off my little cheat sheet.
this is how i mark the passing of time.
squeeze in some spider solitaire,
to wipe my brain free from others' complaints.
is it friday yet?

i watch the clock wind down.
i'm burnt out by 3pm.
one more day being a clog in a dysfunctional machine.
i always miss a detail,
but it's never to send me packing.
playing chicken with the man.
i got to dance to get that check,
because my life is built on dollars and cents.

another bill came in the mail today.
a stack of overdue notices in the trash can.
1-800 numbers fill my call history.
i don't even care anymore.
i don't feel anymore.
i shut down and shut up,
keeping my heaad down,
because i just need to exist,
so everyone else can get what they want!
i'm only worth the check i bring home,
it's all about the dollars and cents!

Chain Thinking

i get up out of bed. i hear a drum beating inside my head.
my stomach's upset. nothing found to settle it yet.
a million thoughts running through my head.
no peace inside. no calm or time to ponder.
it is what it is. no ability here. no skill set.
zero accomplished. no spell check. am i a minority yet?

faster doesn't make me better. hands shaking.
clothes dripping in sweat. i'm hoping you haven't noticed it.
this paradox i'm trapped against will be my death march.
corporate ladder or funeral procession, no difference to me.
just one more day to cross off of the calendar.

i'm frenzied on the inside. quiet and cold on the outside.
i can't let it unfold. i need to uphold my image.
smile and nod. ask a pertinent question.
do as i am told. give the right answers.
choice is null and void. i have to do this.

pull myself out of bed. get dressed.
suppress the urge to call in sick.
get in line. do the corporate grind.
my future is bleak as i live week to week.
another day with drums beating in my head.
out the door. on my way so i get paid.

more caffeine instead of booze.
i hate that i have to choose.
got a song in my ear. i want to sing along,
but i can't cuz i'm in the office with my headphones on.
won't make that mistake again!

the clock goes slow. slower then slow.
all i want is for 5 o'clock to arrive.
i want to go. i love it. nothing like it.
i tell myself every day. i say, yeah, baby,
you're living the american dream!!!
one day maybe i'll believe me~!

control freak

let go, i dare you.
let someone else take control.
bite your lip;
hold your tongue;
learn to delegate once in awhile.

you complain of being tired.
you are sick of being worn out.
you bitch about being overworked,
but you do it to yourself.

you step right in and take over.
no one asked you too.
you lord over it like you own it.
then complain that no one stopped you.

you are like a tank.
you just run over every one.
i feel sorry for you.
sit back and just relax.
you work hard, yes.
but sometimes you need to let it go.

i got it.
i had it.
i was working on it.
but not up to your speed.
not under your thumb.
so you took it and ran.
now it's a bigger mess then it needs to be.

the control freak is running amok.
taking it all and throwing out nuts.
he can't step back and be objective.
he thinks he knows it all
and therefore must be in charge.

but i'm okay.
i can let it go.
i just hope you learn too
before your heart gives out on you.

No Pressure

the deadline is approaching, the system is exploding.
there is no way you can meet the demands.
just watch as your waistline expands.
you hear the blah, blah, blah
come out the technical mouths attached to the logical heads
you see your hands fly across the keyboard to their commands.
there's no pressure, no pressure at all.
there's no pressure, no pressure at all.

the bills are due tomorrow and the cash is running out.
you just got paid but the bank account is negative.
the juggling act just isn't cutting it
all you have is never enough
but there's no pressure, no pressure at all.
there's no pressure, no pressure at all.

the doctor won't see you without your copay
the prescriptions can't be filled unless you pay
how can i feel any better if i can't take my pills
all this pressure that doesn't exist is killing me here.
but it's all in my head, this pressure i feel.
sinus' are causing the brain to swell, there's no anxiety
just an infection that i can't afford to get healed.
there's no pressure, no pressure at all
there's no pressure, nope, no pressure at all.

Goldie Oldies

i'm playing at work, wishing i had a good book; debating w/myself about the current state of my life; what's wrong & what's right; i don't know anymore; i keep walking into closed doors; w/no where to go, i greive the parts of me that never got to be.
....
i'm dwelling on the past; the love i had that didn't last; it's all slipping through my fingers, like sand through the hour glass; why & how go unanswered; it's just the way it is; no more blame to place; only memories to tease me about what might have been.
.. ..
my heart burns when it's yearning to be loved; when at night the lonliness surrounds me & it's silence is drowning me; i think, is this the 1/2 way mark; am i on a down hill slide? do i try to recapture what i miss? or stay cold, wrapped up in my pride?
.. ..
why is it so hard to tell someone you still love them? is it the years that have gone by? or the fear they'll laugh at you? i just want to taste his kiss one more time; and have it take me back to 17, when life was easier.
.. ..
it was the 2 of us; wrapped up in each other; that 1st love is like no other; wild; free; passionate; intense; covered in youth; dipped in stupid and totally unrealistic fantasies; nostalga washes over me & sweetens my dreams.