Always Waiting

i'm always waiting.
i wait on the computer to load.
i wait for payday.
i wait in line after line every day.
now i'm waiting on you to change your mind.
a woman can lose her mind with all this wasted time!

you were all mine, but that was only a brief moment in time.
you moved on but i'm stuck.
i can't let go of your memory.
we dance around my thoughts; always happy; always together.
i'm always waiting around here for you to knock on my door once more.

i imagine running in to you at a store.
you look right through me like i was a stranger to you
and i stay frozen; i let you come and go as you pleased.
i was waiting for you to realize we were perfect for each other.
i wonder what you were waiting for?

i'm always waiting.
i wait for my ship to come in.
i wait for my broken heart to heal.
i wait day after day for you to change your mind.
i think i'm finally losing my mind!

other men come and go, but I can't fall for them.
i know how it feels to be on hold.
you marked me as yours and it's a mark that still holds.
your touch haunts my dreams.
if i could sleep forever you'd never leave me.
then my wait would be over!

i drink to forget.
i move to live.
every day feels like an eternity.
this pain is eating a hole through me.
my love is wrapped up into your memory.
i almost get by, but i almost no longer mind you're gone.
you became everything to me.
then you couldn't wait to take it all away from me.

i'm always waiting.
i wait on fate to intervene.
i wait for the world to change.
i wait for you to miss me.
i wait for a man that can make me forget you ever existed.
i'm wasting all my time for you to change your mind and love me once more!

Borderline Suffocation

i have too much space!
my hyperness has become borderline suffocation.
i found my place, but you cannot co-habitate in blissed domestication.
there's obligations and duties for you to enforce.

take a lesson and write me down.
blend your habits up and i'll swallow them all.
you're evasiveness is running me into the ground.
my patience stretched to hip popping painful levels perplexed.

did we find each other just to lose one another?
please come here to fill up the echoes in my head.
i know you need time and air to breath.
the same two elements smother me.

you're counting my flaws.
they're adding up and you have none at all.
give me some of your confidence.
i need a protein boost to get me through this.

we make everything about you.
the less you learn about me the better you adore me.
each layer you peel back feels like i'm under attack.
i try to undress to distract you from my psychological distress.

where is the sun?
it left with you along with the fun.
i tell you i only want to please you, but you think i'm lying.
only time will flush out the truth.

life began when you said you love me.
you have all the bullets in my gun.
shoot my heart out, it's yours!
just don't twist it until hurts.

Waiting to Inhale

i'm out of pop and patience waiting on you.
my heart is empty as Jesus' tomb.
you keep leading me into the fire,
but i hit a dead end when you're gone.

i'm sitting here holding a tissue and a pen.
waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i got a song creeping into my head
cuz you left my heart bleeding again!

there's anticipation and then there's playing games.
i'm at a loss at which one this is.
do you even know what you do to me?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.

it's been one week and three days without your breath against my flesh.
i hunger and i ache to feel your skin.
the taste of you does me in.
you say you're a hurtin' too,
but you aren't here, so am i the fool?

i'm thinking about the last time you came.
my body was cooling while my heart caught fire.
you burned me down from the inside out.
can i trust you with my war torn heart?

there's joy then there's bait and switch.
i'm confused everyday on which this will be.
do you care that you tie me in a knot?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i feel like i'll be waiting until i die!

Wrestle the Devil

i keep waiting for something awesome to happen to me.
i'm lazy!
i need to pull my head out of my ass.
i'd rather dream my life away then work too hard.
i love to play!
i'd like to do that everyday, but i get bored.
i've forgotten i'm capable enough to learn new things.
my downward spiral into inactivity has hit rock bottom.
i have to dust off my inner sun and let it shine!

i can write so why can't i sing too?
i can walk so now it's time to run.
i can talk so now i should say something important.
i can love so now i should show someone.
i have all these skill being unused.
i'm taking a step back so i can move forward.

i'm done waiting for the world to take notice.
my attitude is shifting back into alignment.
i'm not going to worry about tomorrow.
today is the only day that matters.
every moment requires my attention.
i'll wrestle the devil out of these details
and i will conquer my inner demons!

Dare To Be Myself

i feel heavy, like i've been sedated.
the lime green fleece blanket wrapped around me is the only warmth i feel.
he's not what i need, but he's what i want.
i'm cursed with a restless heart and a high sex drive.
even if i get to keep him, i will leave him.
my soul is scheduled for a thorough cleaning, but i keep cancelling.
i'm not ready to be righteous.
my questions keep tackling me within one yard of the goal line.

comfort and comfortable is all i seek and need.
there's an excitement to playing with matches.
you hope one catches you on fire, but you cry when it does,
because the burns hurt and the scars are ugly.
this is my typical pattern of behavior, it leads me to these dark places.
if i could see past my emotions i'd have room to breath.
everyone is annoying me.

all i do is wait.
i'm waiting for a call.
i'm waiting for an email.
i'm waiting for a text.
i'm waiting for a test result.
my life is on pause.

if you promise to catch me, i promise to let go and fall.
i don't know where i belong.
nothing has ever fit me.
God gave me so many people who love me, but he never gave me the gift to love them back.
there's something broken in me.
i can't keep pretending it'll all be okay.

i say all seven of his sacred names, but the prayer brings no relief of my pain.
these ups and downs are making me dizzy.
when will i settle into something real.
my illusions cushion me from what is cruel.
i want to dare to be different, but i am different.
so i just need the courage to dare to be myself!

Trigger or Plug?

so it was a monday, i thought it was on a tuesday
how my heart confuses the days.
i've let this one get out of hand.
i feel caught between my desires and his demands.
not sure what i should do.
just sitting around here waiting on you.

you got a dilemma on your hands.
we're akward and blown away by the chemistry we share
i want to dive in an explore,
but you aren't so sure.
all i need to know from you is,
do you want to pull the trigger or the plug on this?

i've been walking in circles for days now.
i got 5 miles in today.
i keep hoping to catch a glimpse of you,
but you aren't tied up in this like i am.
i'm amazed at how well you segregate.

i've got a dilemma on my heart.
i'm not sure i want to wait.
you were the one that was able to show restraint.
i think someone needs to make the call,
do we pull the trigger or the plug on this?