Wrinkles

i'm past my prime, i wasted all of my time.
pinned my hopes and dreams on the same sleeveless shirt.
playing games without the rules; thinking heart's don't break.
pretending love never ends and i'll always be young.
all the world and all the lies show in the wrinkles around my eyes.

teased by a promise that no cosmetic can deliver
i spend money i don't have to find that elixir
and with failure comes prescriptions
sweet sleep, sweeter dreams, a vicious circle that eats away the days
this hole i can't get out of feels like home

life becomes a serious of little things
do i bother to smile or just paint one on
how do i find the spirit? where has it gone?
love seemed so plentiful and men so grateful
i feasted up the sins of their flesh
now i fast and i see no end to this lonely unrest.

there are moments i realize how alone i really am
then there are times i call it solitude instead
i think more then i feel
i wonder if any love i had was real
i'm fading away and burning out all at the same time
was anything i ever had even mine

too tired for punctuation
too bored ...
maybe tomorrow i'll finish something

Don't Hesitate

don't hesitate, take my breath, breathe life into yourself at my expense.
sacrifice me for a greater good; disappear into his light.
when i'm on my own my heart struggles to thrive.
if i give myself to you i become stable once more.

i'm stubborn, selfish, and greedy in this minute i see all my life behind me
and ahead of me and there's only misery everywhere i have ever been.
i stay true to myself and it is killing me one day at a time!
i am merely human. on my own i stand alone.

if i'm brave enough to let you take over i will be whole again.
i'm scared. it is natural for me to hold back bits of me.
i fight even though i know this is right.
control is a game i was never meant to win.
so here i go down your road leaving behind all i've ever known.

these gifts you've given me have been misspent.
all my years i've failed to repent.
my sins are small in quality but overwhelming in quantity.
i always flinch when you stare into me.
now i must overcome every action i have taken.
i give you the power, go crazy with that wrecking ball.
rebuild this broken house into your palace.
i want you to live here, in me, with me, as me;
i want to be one with you, better inside and out.

we passed by the detour.
now we go on the long and winding road.
every bump, every curve, and every hill has to be felt.
my soul is in sorry shape, i let myself go long ago.
don't hesitate, not tomorrow, but now, it starts right now!
i exercise my right to choose!
God, I choose you!!!
Jesus, I choose you!!!
Salvation, I choose you!!!

End of My Rainbow

my depression is absolute.
i see ghosts all around me.
the ghost of who i thought i'd be is drinking tea.
the ghost of who i was before you died is eating for me.
the ghosts of those i loved but lost are laughing at the tv.
i'm haunted all the way to my soul.
these so called cures aren't worth their side effects.
i thought myself to doom.
i believed i would be immune.
my ignorance bum rushed me and i finally saw i died years ago.

there is a distortion in the sound surrounding me.
i'm always off key.
i want the resurrection promised on the blood of the savior lost to me.
i repent for all my sins in this moment of self-loathing.
it doesn't matter if i got caught,
i'm still punishing myself in my head.
i want freedom from my flesh.
i need will power to be able to do what is best.
the road is so clear, but i fell into the potholes on the way there.
i see what i want and what i need the most are one and the same.
love keeps me chasing all those ghosts.

i demand to know who made all the rules.
i suffer at the end of my rainbow in silence.
there's no treasure or gold.
where is my soul mate?
the yin to my yang doesn't exist.
the inspiration on every cheesy poster, t-shirt and selfhelp book has crucified my heart.
i'm being taunted by every hand holding, smiling, and laughing couple.
the damn ghosts of relationships past won't let me be.
i haven't forgotten that happiness used to exist within me.
i always thought there was something better around the corner,
but it's been a fruitless search.
when you're dead inside there is no happy ending.