End of My Rainbow

my depression is absolute.
i see ghosts all around me.
the ghost of who i thought i'd be is drinking tea.
the ghost of who i was before you died is eating for me.
the ghosts of those i loved but lost are laughing at the tv.
i'm haunted all the way to my soul.
these so called cures aren't worth their side effects.
i thought myself to doom.
i believed i would be immune.
my ignorance bum rushed me and i finally saw i died years ago.

there is a distortion in the sound surrounding me.
i'm always off key.
i want the resurrection promised on the blood of the savior lost to me.
i repent for all my sins in this moment of self-loathing.
it doesn't matter if i got caught,
i'm still punishing myself in my head.
i want freedom from my flesh.
i need will power to be able to do what is best.
the road is so clear, but i fell into the potholes on the way there.
i see what i want and what i need the most are one and the same.
love keeps me chasing all those ghosts.

i demand to know who made all the rules.
i suffer at the end of my rainbow in silence.
there's no treasure or gold.
where is my soul mate?
the yin to my yang doesn't exist.
the inspiration on every cheesy poster, t-shirt and selfhelp book has crucified my heart.
i'm being taunted by every hand holding, smiling, and laughing couple.
the damn ghosts of relationships past won't let me be.
i haven't forgotten that happiness used to exist within me.
i always thought there was something better around the corner,
but it's been a fruitless search.
when you're dead inside there is no happy ending.

I Die!

i am filled with sorrow
my physical pain is great
i weep

i'm afraid of burning in hell
my temptations are overcoming me
i fornicate

i am repentant
my disease is not permanent
i indulge

i am lost
my spirit is downcast
i ponder

i am weak in flesh
my sins invaded every cell
i cave

i'm defiled by my own hands
my useless desires do me in
i isolate

i am ashamed
my bed has stains
i deny

i am a reprobate
my behavior has lost me my savior
i drink

i'm acting like a fool
my sex drive makes me a tool
i covet

i am looking back to where i started
my progress has disappeared
i repeat

i am embarassed
my life is meaningless
i lie

i'm hiding in the house
my heart can't figure this out
i panic

i am going to stay here
my movements cease
i die!

Spell It Out

join me my friend.
outside it is cold.
no one understands you like i do.
another failed romance,
tainted from your history,
heaven won't shun you.
all you have to do is surrender.
nobody is denied eternal love.

did you know he misses you?
all your troubles can be resolved.
victory can be obtained.
independence is a trap.
demons want you to take their path.

patience will be rewarded.
acceptance is free.
repentence sets it all straight.
lean on the holy ghost.
ease into God's blessings.
touch your own soul.
teach yourself to an honest heart.
each of us is deserving of this.