Take the Lie

take the lie it's so much better then the truth
the truth i have in my heart is shallow and cold
i can't stay. love isn't my thing. i want to be more,
but its not here. believe my love was true.
think that i think that about you. take the lie to get you through.

i've been doing this for a long time
i got this leaving part down
i go on and on about forever and happily ever afters
i know what to say and when to say it
it's become second nature to me to see in them
the needs i'm here to fill, but i don't stay
i can never stay; that's my one rule

take the lie to bed and dream about me
how it used to be before the tears and the lonely nights
i said goodbye. we had ugly fights.
you got paranoid. i pushed all of your insecure buttons.
you swear you could see past all my faults,
but no one ever can. you don't know how cracked i truly am.
take these lies and hang them on your walls.
those are what you need to hold on to because i'm gone.

it started long ago and far away
i was lied to and left behind too
it seemed better to leave the lie and make my own world
so i roam around where ever i go i find some comfort, but never a home
i've been call cold
i've been asked if i get lonely, no and sometimes i know it's a lie
and i'll take it over the truth every time
the truth stains, it bleeds, it kills your soul and destroys you
a lie take nothing and stays as long as you keep believing in it.

take the lie and believe it.
take the lie and keep it alive and i'll never be gone.

Heavy Heart

heavy heart
slow start
sleep beckons

sorrowful soul
body cold
life disappoints

ringing ears
ideas barren
numbness seduces

painful thoughts
medication bought
alcohol drowns

aching hands
wasted woman
moral sinks

walking dead
throbbing head
lover demands

fighting air
lying cares
family abandons

heavy heart
forgotten part
dream reckons

The Hell of It

tonight i'm pounding an upbeat drum that is rolling down hill faster then i can run.
if these are the trials and tribulations i can't complain others have greater pain.
i try to remain emotionally intact, but misery loves to knock me off track.
he's still inside of me keeping me strong;
i'm still in love with him, lies and all!

i back peddle and switch gears just to hold on.
it's not easy loving someone whose half way out the door.
he doesn't feel regret and he never looks back.
he's the one i have to do better for.
tonight i'm rolling the dice right off the cliff.
there's no sense in playing if you're afraid to lose.

there are so many thoughts rattling around my brain,
but my heart is sold and he has my soul.
the closer i try to get to him the harder he is to find.
inside i'm out of control screaming maniac crazy person.
all you see is raised eyebrows and a grin.
i have no idea where this love goes,
but i'll keep on the road until we crash and burn.

everything works better when you have control.
i was bluffing when i said i could let you go.
you're a better gambler then me and it shows.
you hold all the cards i've built my feelings on.
at any moment you could knock me down just for the hell of it!

Doomed

the urge to call or text is overwhelming.
you pulled the plug.
you ended it.
i was brave at work, i swallowed my tears,
but on the way home i cried like i hadn't in years.

i'm so confused.
i don't know what to do.
so i'm suffering alone on the couch,
hopelessly lost because i couldn't figure you out.

your reaction surprised me.
we have a mutual acquaintance.
it should have been an it's a small world after all moment,
but you exploded and freaked out on me.
then you accused me of being a creepy cyber stalker,
like i was hunting you and your friends down online.

you didn't even say you were sorry.
you began to grill me.
things spiraled out of control.
then you said i was too much drama
and you let me go!

i'm hurt and sad but not mad.
i'm giving you time and space.
all my friend think you're hiding something
and that is why you got up in my face,
but i just miss you being at my place.

this love still echos inside of me.
i'm ruined by you and now i'm without you.
i feel doomed!

Insecurities

my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.

i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"

my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?

my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!

the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.

my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!

Open Concept

i'm applying the open concept to my life.
i want to be the person you see.
hand me your glasses and let me gaze at my reflection,
because i don't understand why you love me!

i'm opening my heart and letting you in.
i haul out every ugly bit of truth before your eyes.
my lies are no longer apart of me.
i revel in the truth of our love.

the taste of us mingled upon our flesh excites me.
we come together easily, making an urgent harmony.
i echo into you and you absorb all of me.
this is a magic that transcends us both.

you can see right through me.
i look at you and i tremble with joy.
my soul sings a rapturous melody.
you bring out the very best of me.

the seconds between our moments are too many.
it seems time is our only enemy.
time steals away what should be ours.
i won't stop trying to be with you more.

colors are everywhere; they surround us.
i feel the desire hanging in the air.
this passion surpasses every expectation.
i no longer worry about tomorrow.

i can accomplish any challenge with your support.
i dream you are dreaming of me.
i feel your love filling my heart with love.
my only wish is you'd open the rest of your world to me.

it's a secret hope to be with you every day.
i want to hear you say my name every night.
i want to be the last face you see before you sleep.
i want to feel the throes of our passion in your bed.
our world's merged into one open concept!

Misery's Bitch

did you find that rabbit hole where you were hoping to find your soul?
i fell into an invisible man.
he missed what he never did understand.
he's fed, fat and happy, but i'm plotting the perfect moment for my revenge.
the cold air nuzzles my neck and chokes on my cigarette.
i'm riding his hot air to the clouds and sliding to hell on his icy stare.
there's loves embrace and fear's kisses all jumbled up inside my memories of him.

do you keep her next to your shiny new car like a trophy that says you're a star?
she thinks you're in love with her, but we both know that's not true.
loneliness stalks you with every lie you utter to her.
she's not going to buy your delay tactics forever.
she's the kind of woman that marries;
and your the kind of man that worries she wants to marry you.
i'm chasing down karma and pointing it to your door.
stack the deck anyway you want.
the truth has a way of coming out.
i can wait for your life to fall apart.
your hands were never there to hold mine when i needed it,
so mine won't be there for you when she leaves you.

did i set this up so i always lose everything?
maybe i'm hard wired to be misery's bitch, but i stopped lying.
you never broke character with me or her.
how long can you keep pretending to be the man she wants you to be?
no wonder you're always sleeping, all this acting must be exhausting!
i'd beat some sense into you if i thought you could feel.
i've had my breakdown; i wonder how long it'll be until yours comes around.
i dreamed about you lying in bed with me instead of her.
i don't know if it was a nightmare but it scared me.
you and i together won't ever be, because that would be pure misery!

Iron Will

my iron will has rusted out
leaving me susceptible to your smarmy charms.
there's no coffin big enough to hold all my doubts,
but i'll bury myself under your false pretenses.

my escape must be flawless.
i've super glued my smile on my face.
the duct tape holds my heart in place.
i can't chase you when you aren't running.
i have to laugh at how i thought you were sincere.

my fallacy was assuming you knew how to tell the truth.
i'm exhausted from arguing with myself.
i don't have any self-esteem left to give you.
support for us is down to my left pinky finger and i'm ready to cut it off.

my ears are burning from the lies you say.
i've stuffed my heart with fat to kill it.
i'd rather die at my own hands then your demands.
misery is lonely that is why it craves company.

my cognitive distortion was my thinking you'd leave her.
magical thinking can't bring me satisfaction.
your animal magnetism blew me away.
i felt you inside of me so the emotions must be real.

my groundless accusations are gaining traction.
i was told you like dirt better then having sex with me.
you're crazy to think this hasn't become personal.
i don't want to jump to conclusions, but you leave me no where else to go.

my discretion is growing from a whisper to a shout.
the lies must stop before they take over.
i disappear behind the cold wind of winter.
for now i think i can keep a lid on myself,
but i can't tell you it's forever or just until tomorrow.

Verb

i lay in bed mesmerized by the ceiling again.
i close my eyes and i see light and dark.
the shadows chase me when i try to sleep.
i feel my face with my fingertips.
i press against the bone underneath my flesh.
i feel caged in and i want to dig my nails into my skin
and tear away what brings me pain.

the path is getting narrow.
the darkness is getting stronger.
i'm turning into a being of pure feeling.
my senses are reeling.
i don't know if it's the drugs leaving or the real me being.

this life of people, lies, and sex smells like shit.
i want to break my own neck.
when the sun hides, when the clouds conceal; that's when my mind comes alive.
i spin through a billion thoughts.
i'm devoured nerve by nerve.
the air is pushing down and in on me.
all i suffer is never enough.

sacrifice me at your will.
i'm breaking down.
i can't stay wrapped up in a bubble.
i think too damn much.
i am power; raw, sensual, sexual fire.
all the reality blurs as my world collapses with one word, verb!

Gone with the Sunrise

how many days will it take for these blues to go away?
when will my heart finally be whole again?
inside of my mind all i have is unanswered questions.
inside my heart there's unrequited love.
i'm searching for solutions to all the above.

he seduces me with his hazel eyes
and husky voiced phrases, like you're beautiful.
it's everything i wanted to hear,
but the doubts still call out, he's a liar.
they're all liars.
i need him to keep the pain at bay,
but he won't be here forever.
he's like all the others, gone with the sunrise.

when will i be loved for who i am?
what am i doing wrong with all these men?
why can't i sustain a relationship with them?
am i that broken?
my mind swirls and twirls over every failed attempt at happily ever after.
my heart is a blank open book.
i'm searching for resolutions to all the above.

he winks at me and grins while he kisses my neck.
charm and sweetness are dripping from his tongue.
he's handsome and smooth.
he says he's different, not to worry, he's sticking around.
i love the script he's reading from, but my fears are on high alert.
he's lying.
they'll say anything to get laid.
i only want him so i can spend one less night alone.
he won't be here forever.
he's like all the others, gone with the sunrise.

so'm i'm still asking questions that hurt.
i still want answers, but know they won't come easily.
change and i aren't well aquainted.
but i know true love doesn't happen on your own.
so i'll go through a million sunrises if that's what it takes to get it right!

This Monday or Send Up a Prayer

he's got those crazy eyes again
God only know what he's got planned
i wait for the explosion
this is the calm before the storm
i hold my breath and send up a prayer

God, hold on to me
he's got me right where he wants me
i need strength to make this last
i know he's cheating on me
but i love him
so, God, help me find a way to set myself free

this monday started off bad
he came home at 1 AM
we've fought non-stop since then
i'm crying, he's lying
there's no love in this room
i hold my breath and send up a prayer

God, hear my tears
feel my pain across the stars
he's not listening to my pleas
i need you God to give me the right words
he's half way out the door
but i love him
so, God, should i let him go?

Finish It!

all the little houses look the same
all the little people in them are insane
i take my pain in short strides
just keep walking
just keep walking
until i kickstart my brain

never realized how hard it is
to bring him to the same page
he's wrapped up in her
i don't care if they call me a theif
i'm just a girl looking for some free love

all the little trees line up perfectly
all my lies are collapsing in on me
no one see past my smiles
just keep talking
just keep talking
until i kill the fear

never thought i'd get caught up in his web
he's smoother then his bald head
he's teasing me with his kisses
i wasn't the one who started it
i'm just the girl who knows how to finish it!

Unfulfilled Desires

my heart doesn't know it's been broken.
i've been abandoned faster then a sinking ship.
the emptiness of your lies make me a laughing stock.
the high of your touch blindsided me.
you yanked my chains and pulled my hair.
we breathed as one, lust upon lust.
i felt your desire press against my ass.

i couldn't wait to taste you again, then it just ended!
abbreviated, i was truncated.
you robbed me of a new level of trust.
the lowest of the low crashed lower then ever before.
your hickey has faded, but your imprint remains.

i can't wait for this to pass.
the brief moment in my kitchen corner is over.
i scrubbed the counter over and over.
you had a dilemma, but i gave up before it began.
i lied to you, because i saw how she looks at you.
i don't steal, but i still feel.

i can't wait until she finds out about you.
i can't stay away.
you're the bug zapper and i'm the bug stupid enough to fly into you.
i'm not enough, even though you set me on fire.
you just walk away and watch me burn.
your kisses tasted like heaven.
your passion ignited dead desires.
now i'm yearning for your enthusiastic tongue against my breasts again!

i'm not waiting for you to come around to me again.
i'm adding another mistake with your name to my list.
a pattern is emerging, i'm putting this fire out.
i can't turn you around, so i'll just peddle faster to get over this hump.
i deserve more then you can give to me.
i am always the one doing all the sacrificing.
i'm lying in bed tonight with only my unfulfilled desires to keep me warm.

Casey

your lies became your truth
evil and good became one
you could no longer tell right from wrong
your moral compass spins with no direction
i can understand that

honesty isn't in your vocabulary
all your friends are imaginary
your fantasy world is all you knew
you never cared for anyone but you
i have been there too

the lines were drawn in the sand
no one knows what happened
you aren't the type to give answers
you zig and zag to avoid reality
it is fear that drives you

you forgot about her
you buried her underneath a carefree exterior
she will haunt your dreams
one day you'll have to face her and God
i expect you will cry then too

karma will catch up to you
babies are the purest of souls
all the bad decisions will be judged
God sees through all lies
will you do good now
and will it be enough to pay what is due

Inequity

i carry a life full of inequity upon my shoulders.
i feel persecuted and alone in my troubles.
there are rumors amongst those i know.
the lies spread and grow beyond who i am.
the blatant manipulations of a few take their dark toll upon my precious soul.

every step i take i try to break free from the fear mongers whispering to me.
i am haunted by the time i lost locked up inside too afraid to move.
i hurt myself to know i still feel.
the blame rests with me for these sins.

one day death will seek me out.
every atom i am will turn to ash.
if i say a prayer for Jesus to be my savior,
will all my twisted thoughts disappear?
Do all my wounds heal?
i am covered in self-inflicted scars.
i bathe five times a day trying to wash away the stench of my fears.

i can't look myself in the eye in the mirror.
if God hears every one of my thoughts, does he cry like i do?
my morals are compromised.
my goodness rots on the vine;
never harvested and never applied.

i am told of a man in the bible named Job.
he suffered more then any human being has ever suffered.
his faith never waivered.
he was strong in his love of God.
i want to be more like Job, but i am weak.
i long for a stonger hand to hold mine to help me choose what's right.

i've given away all the good pieces of me.
i carry my mistakes like a cross upon my shoulders.
i have reaped what i have sown.
this life of fear is all i've ever known,
but i hope one day i will be free of all these burdens crushing me.

Brickwall

wrong is wrong
right is right
how simple
how strong

somewhere along the road
confusion set in
logic fled
and you heart turned cold

black is black
white is white
how obvious
how clear

once upon a time we loved
the signals got lost
you got turned around
and i hit a brickwall

love is love
life is life
how sweet
how easy

i couldn't see what i had
you couldn't wait for nothing
our tower of lies crumbled
and we destroyed each other

a rose is a rose
a thorn is a thorn
how true
how pure

today i see it all clearly
like i couldn't see it before
i was scared
and you believed me when i told you i didn't love you anymore.

good bye is forever
the truth is a lie
how final
how me

it takes only seconds
to rip apart years
i want you second
and you were right to leave

Rerun

you run around screaming mine
like a dog chewing on its favorite bone.
you could pee on everything you own.
it's not going to stop me from going home.

i've seen all i need to see.
you have issues that really bother me.
you treat yourself like a king
and the whole world is here to please you.
i'm not your servant, so see ya!

you started this freak show.
i got caught up in the carnival.
your life is a full circus tent on fire.
i'd rather be married to an elephant
then listen to your bullshit another minute.

i don't need time to reconsider.
you aren't my burden.
you don't have your name in your underwear anymore,
so be a big boy and grow a set.
i didn't sign on to be your mother!
you don't get it.

i'd rather be alone
then be expected to bow to you.
so, go back to the web
and lie about yourself again.

your looks get you bites to reel the women in,
but the bait and switch that you do
will end up just like this;
you lying, her saying good bye loser,
it's a story you've lived hundreds of times before.

here's a toast to your happy ending.
i tip my hat to your unending quest
to find a woman whose so broken and blind
she'd love you for the rest of her life.
i'm changing the channel.
i've already seen this rerun!

It's the Hope

i don't understand the fuss.
we disagreed, it's no big deal.
if life was easy it'd be no fun.
you're too clever and i'm a hopeless romantic.
you're like a cold front colliding into my hot air,
together it's a tension tornado that blows us both away.

i'm unpredictable and you're mysterious.
you like to remain distant and i'm in your face.
you're the yin to my yang, but the karma went bad.
it's a shot in a billion to be unlucky like this,
but i'd do it again, cuz it's more then i deserved.

your image haunts my dreams.
a soft rain falls as a cold wind blows.
when you take a chance you risk heartache,
but you learn through the survival
and the next time you surrender,
the lies and promises will be forgotten.

i'm just a kid at heart.
i leave the light on because i'm scared of the dark.
i want rescued from my lonliness.
i want a friend with no secrets
and we can sit in a perfect silence where every desire is fulfilled.

it's the hope that moves us forward,
when the end is too bitter to swallow.
with the new one we will be better.

The Lie

he tells you what you need to hear.
he's unhappy with her.
you're the best part of his day.
he's going to leave her.
if you'd just be patient,
one day he'll stay.
believe the lie!

you feed off the lie.
you need it to justify,
love isn't fair,
the lie makes you blind.
one day the lie will die,
but until then,
live the lie!

he winks at you.
he tells you you're the only one who understands.
he's a complicated man
and his love is your only demand.
you forget he's not yours to keep,
that's the only way you sleep.
protect the lie!

you build upon the lie.
you paint the perfect family in your mind.
you'll be adored by his kids.
the lie binds you to him.
then the lie comes to light
and your world falls apart one night.
deny the lie!

he told her you're just a friend.
he could never leave the kids.
he thought you understood,
but now the damage is done.
no more patience.
no more love.
grieve the lie!

Returning an Unwanted Favor

it's okay dear, all your tears have been cried.
it's okay here, we've dumped your fears to the past.
no one knows the way home.
stars shoot across the blackened sky
just like the fire light that dances then dies.

you trapped yourself up on a pedastool.
i knew you'd never admit defeat.
i captured the whole fiasco on tape.
i had to prove to you he was more then you could take,
but i received hate instead of thanks.

it's okay dear, i get it.
it's okay here, i already forgave you.
no one knows their fate.
dogs howl at every moon,
just like you fall in love with every fool.

i was here before too, hooked on lies.
blue eyes that hypnotize,
you pulled me to safety before i drowned.
you had to prove to me i was wrong
and i never said thank you,
but i'm returning the unwanted favor now.

it's okay dear, i won't let you drown.
it's okay here, there's always tomorrow to find another happily ever after.