Waiting to Inhale

i'm out of pop and patience waiting on you.
my heart is empty as Jesus' tomb.
you keep leading me into the fire,
but i hit a dead end when you're gone.

i'm sitting here holding a tissue and a pen.
waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i got a song creeping into my head
cuz you left my heart bleeding again!

there's anticipation and then there's playing games.
i'm at a loss at which one this is.
do you even know what you do to me?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.

it's been one week and three days without your breath against my flesh.
i hunger and i ache to feel your skin.
the taste of you does me in.
you say you're a hurtin' too,
but you aren't here, so am i the fool?

i'm thinking about the last time you came.
my body was cooling while my heart caught fire.
you burned me down from the inside out.
can i trust you with my war torn heart?

there's joy then there's bait and switch.
i'm confused everyday on which this will be.
do you care that you tie me in a knot?
i keep waiting to inhale your exhale once again.
i feel like i'll be waiting until i die!

Secrets

i hold onto my little piece of information,
i bury it deep inside of my brain.
i can't risk it being said,
lives shatter when secrets are whispered in the wind.

you have no faith in the system.
you want to be free of the burden,
but you can't risk your freedom.
people leave you when secrets get exposed.

he tied a pretty bow around the truth.
he wanted to impress you with his sincerity.
he was minimizing the risk to his reputation,
but people talk when secrets get heard.

i opened my mouth; my lips parted.
the words flew out like a baby bird's first flight,
they plummeted towards the ground,
fluttering like crazy to fly,
but no matter how much you try
secrets tear down and destroy.
like a cat lying in wait to bounce,
your secrets have been served.

i bury the urge to speak.
i will not allow my conscience to leak.
i know the loss is too great.
my life would disappear because my secret repels.

trust is an illusion maintained when secrets keep
the harder you hid them the easier it gets
to tell the lies to keep what you have
secrets cannot escape my totalitarian control

truth is an overrated commodity
you can't appreciate what you've never had
to thrust a secret into someone's world
is like pushing a dagger deep into their chest.

forgiveness is merely a Van Gogh
discussed, analyzed, appreciated and highly valued
but rare and expensive to aquire
something you aspire to attain but die unfulfilled

i have thought about this secret for years
it haunts me day and night
it shadows every laugh and every smile
my secret makes me proceed with caution

i have a secret and i'm going to keep it
but it'll be easier once i'm dead
the secrets disappear with your breath
there will truly be heaven for me in death.

What I Know

Here's what I know -
I'm 38 years old.
I can't pay all my bills.
I feel 80 and hurt all day long.
I have alot of headaches.
I could bitch and groan all day long,
but I know I'll bore you.

Here's what I know -
No one can see inside of my head.
I have no significant other.
I don't balance my checkbook.
And I can't walk a straight line.
I throw up when I drink.
And I only take what's prescribed.

Here's what I know -
It's not the best life,
but it ain't the worst life.
It's somewhere in the middle.
And it's got good days;
There seem to be more bad days ahead.
But I know you're bored already,
So I'll fast forward.

Here's what I know -
Appreciate what you have.
Longing for more just get's you upset.
You get caught up in daydreams that
keep you from getting ahead.
When it rains it pours.
And death really does come in 3's.

Here's what I know -
It isn't much, but it's all I got to teach the world.
Every one gets depressed;
No matter how happy they seem.
Life isn't perfect for anyone,
if you know what I mean.

Here's what I know -
Every woman thinks another woman is prettier then them.
It's just human nature to hold a grudge.
And peace doesn't come with forgiveness.
Your worst enemy is the voice inside your head.
Listen to your heart;
it whispers so low it's hard to hear,
but I know it guides you better than your ego.

That's what I know.
Like I said it's not alot.
But maybe as I get older it'll grow.
So take it and use it as you must.
You probably know more then I do
So I won't bore you with more detail.
It's what I know
Not how I know it
But How I know how to use it.