Afraid June

the days pass by in a blur
i feel the same every day
i'd ask for more but i'm afraid!

you're missing me like i miss air
relationships are hard to make last
i'd tell you more but i'm afraid!

we both need a thrill
the burn of passion fades
we keep the worry a secret because we're afraid!

this is a test
i have a plan for us to pass
will you listen or are you too afraid?

i can pull back the layers
i will break down these barriers
i will shout out your name because i'm tired of being afraid!

you try to pull away
fear makes you do stupid things
take my hand and stop being afraid!

kick away the doubts
you're alive with new enthusiasm
we've gone mad but we aren't afraid!

we set the bar high
you grab the tequila and i'll lose our past
i'm yours now, don't be afraid!

Insecurities

my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.

i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"

my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?

my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!

the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.

my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!

Supermoon

i confess my love to you with anxious breath.
i wait for your response, breathlessly, for you to talk.
then you break the silence with i'm falling for you too.
happiness replaces my fear and i feel like i've taken flight.
frenzied kisses and hugs embrace our newly declared love.

there's technicalities everywhere.
there's baggage to be lifted out of the way,
but i'm willing to do the heavy lifting to keep you.
now i know you love me too! you love me too!

i knew from the first phone call you were different.
you want to disappear into us like i do.
we both show each other our insecurities.
we are exchanging our deepest secrets.
we fit together so perfectly, it's a little scary!

i spend all my seconds with you on my mind.
my body aches to feel you inside.
love has never felt so alive!
i'd do anything for just one kiss.
i feel possessive.
i want you to be mine until the end of time!

we're attempting to create a new life together.
you love to be intimate with me.
and i revel in every touch!
my body is ready for you at the sound of your name.
this love cannot be tamed.

tonight we'll make love outside under the supermoon on your kid's trampoline.
you'll fill me with your seed.
the two of us, naked, covered in the sweat of our love's labors.
we will make a memory that will last forever!

Hairy

this is a hairy predicament.
you and i not wanting to commit.
if i could put this in context,
great sexual chemistry,
the kissing is fucking fantastic,
your hairy chest rubbing me into dizzying heights,
but i'm not in your bed at night.
i'm not the woman that holds you tight.
if she knew about me this would be a hairy situation alright!

you're a hairy beast of a man.
an alpha male that dominates me to the end.
my obsession with your touch undoes me every time.
i can't get enough of your hairy ass.
you drive me to the edge of sexual madness,
but i'm not in love with you.
i'm not the woman who adores you.
if she knew about me you'd be in over your bald head for sure!

she loves your hairy back enough for two.
i only want to fuck you every chance i get.
if we were alone as much as you two are i'd be walking funny
and jumping your hairy balls everywhere.
there's no hope this will end on a good note.
the hair is getting tangled and pulled too much.
you love taking me hard and fast,
but secrets don't keep forever.
i'm not the quality woman that she is.
i'm not the woman you risk losing.
one day she'll find out and your hairy ass will be thrown out!

It's the Hope

i don't understand the fuss.
we disagreed, it's no big deal.
if life was easy it'd be no fun.
you're too clever and i'm a hopeless romantic.
you're like a cold front colliding into my hot air,
together it's a tension tornado that blows us both away.

i'm unpredictable and you're mysterious.
you like to remain distant and i'm in your face.
you're the yin to my yang, but the karma went bad.
it's a shot in a billion to be unlucky like this,
but i'd do it again, cuz it's more then i deserved.

your image haunts my dreams.
a soft rain falls as a cold wind blows.
when you take a chance you risk heartache,
but you learn through the survival
and the next time you surrender,
the lies and promises will be forgotten.

i'm just a kid at heart.
i leave the light on because i'm scared of the dark.
i want rescued from my lonliness.
i want a friend with no secrets
and we can sit in a perfect silence where every desire is fulfilled.

it's the hope that moves us forward,
when the end is too bitter to swallow.
with the new one we will be better.

Jigsaw

the red upon the wall.
the blue shifting across the skies.
the thoughts crawling in my mind.
the feelings rushing up my spine.
the music driving my hands.
i'm a piece to a puzzle.
no one knows how i go together.

those words i utter make them gape and stare.
such a sweet girl.
so lost.
so confused.
every time they say it i laugh until i cry.
this myth that proceeds me turns on others sympathy.

people around me lay it out thick as molasses.
our society loves the tragic stories.
the community needs a rally
and i'm the cause of the day.
a precious soul that needs to be saved.
so grab a ribbon, it's a parade!
i smile big for the camera,
so every one can get a perfect picture.

they'll beg and cry for someone to tell them my secrets.
but i never told a soul.
i held on to myself and performed so many other roles.
no one knows.
i walked until i wore out the sole of my shoes.
i abandoned all of them,
but they were smothering me.

now their fear is at it's worst.
the concern for me overwhelming them.
i went and lost myself for real this time.
but now i have to play another role
to justify my abandonment of them.
i'll shift the blame away from me,
but no one believes me.
and for the first time i fall on my face.
an utter disgrace.

they have to admit they are sick of my games.
they'll have to admit me,
but they need to convince me.
i was never an angel,
but to them i have fallen out of the sky.
their pain is real, but i still don't think i have to explain why.

This

i don't care at all
if you still love her
cuz it's me you hold
my hopes are higher
then a 60's hippie trippin
all i ask is this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises you can't keep

tell me your worries
share your fears with me
i want to be your confidant
my heart beats your name
your voice brightens my day
all i want is this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises you won't keep

i can see us together,
old and happy
cuz we fit like 2 peas in a pod
you're the one that gets me
my lover and best friend
the one i can die with in the end
just give me this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises we can't keep

Secrets

i hold onto my little piece of information,
i bury it deep inside of my brain.
i can't risk it being said,
lives shatter when secrets are whispered in the wind.

you have no faith in the system.
you want to be free of the burden,
but you can't risk your freedom.
people leave you when secrets get exposed.

he tied a pretty bow around the truth.
he wanted to impress you with his sincerity.
he was minimizing the risk to his reputation,
but people talk when secrets get heard.

i opened my mouth; my lips parted.
the words flew out like a baby bird's first flight,
they plummeted towards the ground,
fluttering like crazy to fly,
but no matter how much you try
secrets tear down and destroy.
like a cat lying in wait to bounce,
your secrets have been served.

i bury the urge to speak.
i will not allow my conscience to leak.
i know the loss is too great.
my life would disappear because my secret repels.

trust is an illusion maintained when secrets keep
the harder you hid them the easier it gets
to tell the lies to keep what you have
secrets cannot escape my totalitarian control

truth is an overrated commodity
you can't appreciate what you've never had
to thrust a secret into someone's world
is like pushing a dagger deep into their chest.

forgiveness is merely a Van Gogh
discussed, analyzed, appreciated and highly valued
but rare and expensive to aquire
something you aspire to attain but die unfulfilled

i have thought about this secret for years
it haunts me day and night
it shadows every laugh and every smile
my secret makes me proceed with caution

i have a secret and i'm going to keep it
but it'll be easier once i'm dead
the secrets disappear with your breath
there will truly be heaven for me in death.

Sore Toe

I am odd.
I am bizarre.
I am your worst nightmare on steroids.

You are scared.
You are lying.
And I will find out what you know.

I will never let go.
I'll be like a sore toe.

You stubbed your toe;
You tripped over the lies that you told.
You tried to squeeze into smaller shoes.
You tried to fit into my glass slippers.
I told you that was the last time.

I am strange.
I am unusual.
I am chaos reborn in human form.

I can chase you down.
I can make you face your demons.
I will overthrow everything you know.

I'll never quit.
I'll be like a sore toe.

You stubbed your toe;
You tripped over the lies you told.
You tried to walk a mile in my shoes.
You tried to take something that wasn't yours.
I told you that was the last time.
I'm slicing you off of my foot for good this time.

Remember I Love You?

how can i reach the deeper end of your pool
when do i get to see beyond the facade of your beautiful face
where did the real you go
do you even know where to find yourself
please don’t run and hide
it won’t hurt much to let me in
just fall on back without looking and you’ll see
that i will catch you in my arms
you’ll be safe here with me

how can i express how i feel about you?
words seem unable to capture a human soul
even with all the poetry and music in this world
i cannot manage to let you know how much i love you
it is a puzzle i cannot solve
a problem that i cannot resolve

i worry if you knew if you would think less of me
so i hide it and bury the feelings deep in my heart
i figure it doesn’t matter how i feel or what i have to say
you have made your mind up and that’s very clear
you and i aren’t meant to be
so i will sit and watch how life unfolds
with my feelings of love for you never told

Over and over i keep telling myself that love really doesn’t matter
i can be whole without having you to hold
but i feel like there is this huge black hole sucking out my soul
life just seems so dull without a spark of love
to keep my fires burning & to keep my heart churning

i just sit around these days doing nothing
my love is growing stagnet and moldy
i doubt even if i was given the chance to love you
that i don’t remember how to love a man
it has been so long ago since i had to tell a man ‘i love you’
that i am fearful i have lost the ability to utter the phrase
i am so scared of being hurt and torn apart
that i have built a fort of defenses to keep you out
i don’t know how the gate works to let you in

so i will sit here watching the sun go across the sky
praying the sun will make me go blind
so i won’t have to see you loving someone else
i will pretend again that i don’t love you
and i will let your life unfold without you knowing i love you

Every Time

I can’t hide what I feel inside
Everyone knows I love you
I wear my heart upon my sleeve
But you don’t notice how my heart bleeds

Every time you look my way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I try to be so cool
I conceal so many secrets
So what’s one more tucked inside my soul
But somehow everyone knows
Everyone but you

Every time you look my way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I catch glimmers of hope in your eyes
Or is that my own desire
Reflecting back on to me
I don’t know what I really see
But I want so badly to be with you

I am told young love fades
And time will drive these blues away
I desperately want to believe it’s true
But I am so helplessly in love with you

Every time I look your way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I am so devoted
I am in so much pain
So many secrets that I hold inside
But everyone knows how I feel
Everyone sees it
Everyone but you…