My New Heart

you caught me with my walls down.
you walked right in and staked your claim.
i don't want to fight this.
i'm letting you take control.
i'm letting go!

hearts beat to different drums
but when i'm with you we beat as one.
goodbyes, tears and fears fade away.
my dreams dance around your face.
i want to be yours!

i caught your eye on a lucky day,
but you make your own luck you say!
i find my mind stuck on you.
i can't wait for you to take me.
i'm yearning and burning for you to be inside of me!
i'm losing control!

i feel dainty and sexy with you.
you make me be more of a woman.
i don't waste time on being insecure.
there's a twinkle in your eyes.
with your strength i feel strong.
in your arms i finally belong!

i'm have the time of my life;
exploring my submissive side.
i've waited so long for a man like you.
i'd do anything to have you smile at me.
my own needs are met when i meet yours.
this is the start of my new heart!

Confession

it's time for my confession.
forgive me father for i have sinned.
now, i'm not a catholic,
but i still believe.
even when life sucks i have faith.
faith, that someday there will be a better day.

i'm not perfect.
i follow my heart to the point
where it damages my soul.
i think too much
and i feel even more.

i allow doubt to take over
and i take his name in vain.
i say Jesus in hushed tones,
for no reason,
i don't know if he's the answer to everything.

i get upset when people refuse to make a decision,
because their prayers have not been answered.
Ain't nothing wrong with praying,
but i was taught God's a guiding star
and not a work horse.

if you're disappointed in me,
i don't think hail Mary's will fix it.
and which bible is truly God's word?
which translation is without flaw?

i am full of repentance,
but i repeat my mistakes.
so i believe i remain unforgiven,
until the lesson finally takes.
my heart wishes more then it should.

i've fornicated outside of marriage.
i enjoy the company of men.
i gave birth before i was wed,
but i don't think i'm damned.
it's merely an incomplete portrait of the woman i am.
I hope God understands, one day, i'll figure it out.

i confess i'm not perfect,
but i hope you get that.
i love you.
i believe one day, i'll forgive me.
and God and I will be able to agree,
that i am good enough for him.

Fat White Girl

Watch me pull this rabbit out of my ass! Gasp! See the fat white girl, she’s such a jackass. Does she think she’ll pass and become a multi-platinum album selling white female rapper? The first to get the accolades and the parades. The one to bring home a Grammy, moon men, and a Oscar. She’s delusional. The girl is losing it.

Lock her up in the suburbs and buy her a mini-van. Get her that husband and 2 and half kids. Don’t forget the dog and the PTA. That’s what that fat white girl’s future is supposed to be. Give it up Blondie! There ain’t nobody want to see you on a stage.

You ain’t even pretty. How you going to get famous ugly? Down another cookie and a dr. pepper, cause every one knows in this biz you need 6 pack abs, a big rack, and a tight ass to get a record deal.

There ain’t no fat people on idol that stay for long. So go back to the burger king and super size those fries then go to the fucking mall. Because fat white bitch that’s where you belong.

Womanhood Undone

i feel trapped inside a time bubble where
i'm frozen at 23 the clock stopped on Jan.
25, 1996 and i don't want to move, i don't
want to change. i want to be back there
in her hospital room holding her hand as
her last breathe escaped into oblivion

am i a woman now thati've seen death
am i a woman now cause i've been fucked
am i a woman now cause i've given birth
am i a woman now cause i pay taxes
am i a woman now ... i don't know

i see other females my age and younger
they look so together, energetic, bursting
with life, accomplishing so much and
moving forward with friends, family,work
and i sit back knowing i don't fit in

am i a woman now that i've got a career
am i a woman now that i vote
am i a woman now that i married
am i a woman now because my husband left me
am i a woman now....i don't know

inside i feel immature and lost
i'm confused on how to respond
i'm scared to speak up and
offer an idea. i sit to the back
i nod my head but don't hear their
words. i await my oblivion.

am i a woman now that i hurt
am i a woman now cause i feel
am i a woman now cause i'm over 30
do i not get to play and laugh anymore
i'd trade all this woman crap for one bright sunny day
of my child hood, i miss looking at the world
as it's a mystery to be conquered.
am i a woman now that i know the world is fucking nuts?