Incomplete

i ask you to marry me in one sentence
and downplay it as jest in the next,
but if my heart could shout
it would cry out for you to be my man!

i'm right here, but you don't see me.
i'd love to expand the world's population with you.
your shaved head, goatee, and hazel eyes have me mesmerized.
how do i take control with you when i've never had it before?

i don't want a phone smarter then me.
caves, bungee jumps, and roller coasters don't call out to me.
the adventure i seek drinks his whiskey neat.
he doesn't cut corners, is borderline ocd, and eats meat.

promises haven't been exchanged.
we make out and dry hump regularly.
the build up to something more has fizzled out.
my mental images are the only ones getting off.

i love chocolate, the color yellow, and daffodils.
i hate clowns, death, and people who mock me.
what i know about scott can't complete this sentence.
he camps, off roads certain vehicles, and loves at least 1 of his 7 children.

my file on him is as incomplete as this poem.
i think we'd set the world on fire together.
our demons can throw one hell of a party.
little petey and i could meet daily.

let's talk about our feelings.
undo the damage done by years of neglect.
i'll take your hand and understand.
i'll love all of you and not just the parts i like.

you're a whole person, both good and bad.
i want to know it all.
please show me every part of your personality.
i know it's more complicated then i think.

i'm not here to save you or fix you.
you don't need that from me.
i accept you just the way you are.
you're beautiful to me.

but you never gave me a chance to love you.
this romance was all happenstance.
now you get a faux happy ending with her
and i'm left alone and incomplete!

About a Man

my life has become a one sided conversation.
i speak to you but you're not even here.
the disaster is evident in the pill bottles scattered on the bathroom counter top
and the dropped pills on the floor.
i never bother to pick them up because there's always more.

i drown a little every time you reach out to hit me with your angry words.
i sink below the surface of your hate even more.
i broke under the weight of your expectations.
just when i begin to show some progress, you pop up and drag me under once more.

i'm a good person trapped in your bad mood.
the perpetual shifts in your demeanor swing me until i get sick off all the emotions.
let me go. let me down. let me out of this miserable relationship and your twisted revenge.
life is simple for most, but for me it's always been so damn confusing.

yes, as usual, it's all about a man!
it always has been.
the current mistake hurts the most.
i thought i'd gotten it right, but i was kidding myself.

At War

i follow the doctor's orders to the letter to feel better.
i need to apply the same principal to the 10 commandments to save my soul.
in my system, good goes gray and bad hangs around me in a purple haze.
i can't find my center.
the wii says i'm always leaning to the right,
but i'm always wrong!

there's an emptiness looming on my horizon.
i live two hours away from anyone i care about.
i have a lot more time coming into my hands.
i need some good directions,
but all i got is a high speed internet connection.

i'd love to have unlimited resources, but i don't.
money will be tight for awhile.
this is my time to do something for me,
but i don't know what i want.

i feel anxious, nervous, and confused.
it is an illusion they sold to me.
answers come with age, is what they told me.
maybe, i'm just not old enough yet!

i click on one button to post this to my blog.
i have not been able to find such a button inside me to push to motivate myself.
in my head, words become weapons and emotions liabilities.
i can't locate my safe haven.
the good book states that peace begins within,
but i'm always raging my own internal war!

I Die!

i am filled with sorrow
my physical pain is great
i weep

i'm afraid of burning in hell
my temptations are overcoming me
i fornicate

i am repentant
my disease is not permanent
i indulge

i am lost
my spirit is downcast
i ponder

i am weak in flesh
my sins invaded every cell
i cave

i'm defiled by my own hands
my useless desires do me in
i isolate

i am ashamed
my bed has stains
i deny

i am a reprobate
my behavior has lost me my savior
i drink

i'm acting like a fool
my sex drive makes me a tool
i covet

i am looking back to where i started
my progress has disappeared
i repeat

i am embarassed
my life is meaningless
i lie

i'm hiding in the house
my heart can't figure this out
i panic

i am going to stay here
my movements cease
i die!

Family

feelings are not contained
all i need is a smile
my family doesn't try to change me
i am theirs and they are mine
love is just given not demanded
you aren't complete without them

family accepts you
abundance of laughter and memories
mixtures of all kinds of crazy
imaginations run wild
little ones are adored
you look forward to seeing them

full of encouragement
allowing you to show every emotion
my family takes the brunt of my worst moods
i love them the most
life would be empty without them
you wish you could love them more

fantastic and incouragable
attitudes and misunderstanding
meemaw's and mamaw's all have an opinion
illogical reactions can strain the bonds
leaps of faith are often required
you can't pick and choose them

faith is a must
aquiring patience will help
making time for them is important
i hope one day they'll forgive me
love has to be a two way street
years can turn love cold as distance grows

family isn't always want you want it be
absence can destroy love
mistakes can stack up around you
ignorance rears its ugly head
like mindedness can disappear
yes, family can be both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to you.

Every Bit of Me

the tone of your voice is slightly hypnotic.
that must be why i believe you
when you tell me to trust you.
i'd like to dance in the rain with you.
let the storm overcome us
and be soaking wet, drenched in the moment.
all the world revolving around our hearts' beating.

i don't live in reverse.
i love full speed ahead.
when i commit, i'm all in!
no retractions or substitutions.
i hand over every bit of me.
the good and the bad,
it's more then you've ever had.

the light sparkles in your bright eyes.
that must be why i think you only see me
when you enter a room.
i'd like to spend eternity with you.
let my life start now
and the past will evaporate.
the future is wide open.
all we've done before now is obsolete.

Before

I don't know what to say.
How do you begin to understand
the horrors this world hands out,
to innocent bystanders, sudden victims?
You're scared and crying.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before the pain?
before you were destroyed?
before your heart was ripped out?

We all hope there's some explanation,
either in our faith or the laws of human nature.
We cling to any possibility that we are right
and those who disagree are wrong.
There's a second of calm between dusk and the last bit of daylight.
If we could freeze the world
If we could reverse the tides of carelessness
If we could stop the wave of selfishness
and remind the world what it's like to serve
the good and kind
the just and the innocent

They are all stripped and powerless against the darkness of the world today.
No one is safe anywhere anymore.
There's no magical line you can cross,
to where the devil can't bring chaos to your door.
No escape from the doubt and the fear that cloud our vision
and cause our tears.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before when it was simpler times?
before when your word was your bond?
before when you could take people at face value?
before when you could leave your door unlocked?

But not anymore, those times are gone for good.
Just a memory in some old man's head,
or a story to read at bedtime to the kids.
Before the world was stained by lies.
Before free love became twisted and died.
Before I was born.
I don't have any recollection of the time before.

Bad Day

I’m having a bad day
Just go away
Leave me be to my insanity
Society has crushed my self – esteem
Every magazine I read says
I shouldn’t look like me
Every TV show I see
Is telling me I shouldn’t act like me
When did being me get to be so wrong
Where did being an individual get gonged
You want the pretty face
The perfect body
The woman to match every hottie on MTV you see
But that ain’t me
I’m curvy, bubbly, and lovable
Cute, cuddly, and huggable
But I don’t match
I don’t wear watches and rings
I’m not pretty enough for you anyways
Every one knows what is in
But what’s in isn’t who I am
I do what I like
And wear what feels good
That just being me
What I wear isn’t in the fashion zines
It’s not being catwalked in Milan
It’s just sweats, shorts, and jeans
T-shirts and nail polish
What’s a woman got to do
To get a man to see what’s true
Every day woman don’t have a stylist
I am just lucky to get my hair to lay flat
Society has wrecked my chances
I am too far outside the norm
When will you recognize
A woman like me is perfect for a man like you?

The Way

what's on my mind i can't find. all these lonely nights wash away my humanity. i've ceased to live. i am narrow. i am closed. i am exiled. and it's only marginally self-imposed.

the way my eyes see you everywhere. the way i hear your voice distantly through the air. the way i wanted a good life with you but only the bad remains.

i've dug a pit of pity deeper then i've ever known. i sink lower into it's depths with every sunset. people think i'm transparent but only i know i'm a brick wall lined with lead. not even superman can see how broken i am.

the way my dreams revolve around you. the way my heart skips a beat when i look at a picture of you. the way i had it all, a brief taste of heaven but now hell is where i live.

it's funny how the world collapses in on you. one day you're up and the next you're upside down. i built hopes to dizzying heights & when i fell, i fell so hard i shattered into nothingness.

the way your eyes danced when you laughed at me. the way i adored your hands and the magic they had against my skin. the way i hid to survive, but it's taking me longer then i guessed to get over you.

the way i once knew is all a story to tell that begins once upon a time i was in love and now i'm not and that's just the way it is.