I'm Depressed.

i'm depressed. i reached this conclusion as i undressed.
i lay in bed unwilling to move.
each day is full of endless seconds without you.
i thought we'd never end, but abruptly, we did!
what's the point of telling me you love me,
when you just left me cold and alone?

i'm depressed. i stare at the computer feeling worthless.
i shove food in my mouth hoping to fill the hole you left inside of me.
i am unmotivated and uninterested.
what used to enthrall me, bores me now.
when you cut me off you cut out my heart too!

i'm depressed. i confess the pills aren't effective.
i feel the slide down the slope of despair picking up speed.
every ache, every pain, i blame on you.
i try to occupy these hollow hours where you used to be,
but nothing sets my tortured soul free.

i'm depressed. you'd laugh and declare me a drama queen.
i miss the little things, that annoyed me the most.
do you feel better now?
or like me, are you still trying to exorcise the ghost of us?
i feel incomplete, like there was no closure.
you felt otherwise, because you don't answer my calls.

i'm depressed. i only hope time will undo my emotional mess!

Bland, Plain and Undeclared

I underestimated the value of my humanity.
I thought I was only worth the objects I could buy.
My sense of self shifted upside down,
Until I believed my existence was immaterial.
A secret intent I kept hidden from those who loved me.
I secret attempt I won't ever be able to discuss with them.
This is the only secret I've ever kept.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I hide in open spaces behind my soft smiles.
The pain of the emotions cascading through my brain still remain.
Even worse I don't know why one moment everything I knew was wrong
seemed right.
The world stopped writing my script in black and white.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I faced myself in the mirror to confront her and see if
I could reason with her.
But it's a futile exercise in the war I've lost who I used to be.
Now she's all that remains and she swallows the pills like pez.
Nothing interfers.
Her nightly ritual cannot be compromised.
She panics when bottles are lost or the pill count gets low.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I hear panic in your voice at the mere suggestion of the end of life.
How could I have forgotten?
Why did I go blind?
Now I heat it, see it and feel it
Your pain is more valuable when I can keep it from you.
Someday, one day, we all die.
I just can't choose the day myself.
I have to let fate decide.