Remember

i'm in a constant state of confusion
all this exercising is altering my brain chemistry
i'm hyper and panicked
i want to shake off this feeling of doom
i feel like i've derailed
and my runaway emotions are going to kill me

remember me, remember me
i want you to be the father of my desired child
your touch vacates all logical thoughts
remember you, remember you
you've seared yourself into my brain
but the timing is off again

i'm filling up my hollowness with regrets
i'm ashamed to admit your effect on me
i'm prancing around the parking lot
hoping you'll stop and want to talk
i feel like a cheap corner whore
and i can't make myself stop

remember before, remember before
i was not turned on by you
i thought you were married
remember her, remember her
she looks at you with love in her eyes
and i don't want to conquer and divide

I'm Depressed.

i'm depressed. i reached this conclusion as i undressed.
i lay in bed unwilling to move.
each day is full of endless seconds without you.
i thought we'd never end, but abruptly, we did!
what's the point of telling me you love me,
when you just left me cold and alone?

i'm depressed. i stare at the computer feeling worthless.
i shove food in my mouth hoping to fill the hole you left inside of me.
i am unmotivated and uninterested.
what used to enthrall me, bores me now.
when you cut me off you cut out my heart too!

i'm depressed. i confess the pills aren't effective.
i feel the slide down the slope of despair picking up speed.
every ache, every pain, i blame on you.
i try to occupy these hollow hours where you used to be,
but nothing sets my tortured soul free.

i'm depressed. you'd laugh and declare me a drama queen.
i miss the little things, that annoyed me the most.
do you feel better now?
or like me, are you still trying to exorcise the ghost of us?
i feel incomplete, like there was no closure.
you felt otherwise, because you don't answer my calls.

i'm depressed. i only hope time will undo my emotional mess!

Before

I don't know what to say.
How do you begin to understand
the horrors this world hands out,
to innocent bystanders, sudden victims?
You're scared and crying.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before the pain?
before you were destroyed?
before your heart was ripped out?

We all hope there's some explanation,
either in our faith or the laws of human nature.
We cling to any possibility that we are right
and those who disagree are wrong.
There's a second of calm between dusk and the last bit of daylight.
If we could freeze the world
If we could reverse the tides of carelessness
If we could stop the wave of selfishness
and remind the world what it's like to serve
the good and kind
the just and the innocent

They are all stripped and powerless against the darkness of the world today.
No one is safe anywhere anymore.
There's no magical line you can cross,
to where the devil can't bring chaos to your door.
No escape from the doubt and the fear that cloud our vision
and cause our tears.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before when it was simpler times?
before when your word was your bond?
before when you could take people at face value?
before when you could leave your door unlocked?

But not anymore, those times are gone for good.
Just a memory in some old man's head,
or a story to read at bedtime to the kids.
Before the world was stained by lies.
Before free love became twisted and died.
Before I was born.
I don't have any recollection of the time before.

Too Young to Feel so Old

I feel so much older since I last saw this place. The memories have begun to fade. Once upon a time was just a dream. I think I should go. I’m too young to feel so old. My heart is rotting from neglect. I’m hunched over walking alone. I’m too young to feel so old. I feel empty. Hollow inside. I can hear the laughter echo. I shiver and I want to hide. I don’t belong here anymore. I think I should go. I’m too young to feel so old. What I used to feel was so real. Now I mimic what should be there. I don’t know where all my emotions went. I’m walking along remembering I used to be happy. That wasn’t so long ago. I should go. The past is hurting me. I should go. I’m too young to feel so old.

Hollow

Sweet music soothe my soul
I am alone in the middle of downtown
A million empty people swimming around me
I can't find my home
Everywhere I go I am hollow
I can't understand why I am so shallow
I don't care about anyone or anything
I just want to bury myself under the sand of ignorance
Keep myself a thousand miles away from hurt
I want to fly past any confusion
I need to cement my doubt and build a mansion of confidence on it's foundation
Why Why Why

I just hurt so deep inside
My bones ache
My heart is breaking under the pressure
All this stress from not knowing
where do i belong
is my destiny to always be unfullfilled
if i could turn back time and remember it all
i am so damn lazy i'd continue to fall
why why why

there's never an answer
and I am so sick of asking the questions
i've traveled this path too long
i want to lay down and never get up again
when i dream i dream about nothing
when i wake up i live this nothing
i have responsibilty crushing my back
the world pounding with a sledge hammer in my head
a knife of regret twisting in my side
all i've ever done is get by
it makes me sad to see the potential i let pass me by
i've been living in cruise control
why why why

could i not step up and go that extra mile
and i know me
and i now know
there's a problem i can't resolve
i'm broken
that's why