Home

when my whole world flips upside down
and the rain won't stop pounding on my windows
there's only one place i've ever felt safe
i want to go home

when i'd sit out back on the grass
watching the clouds as they passed
i couldn't think of a better place to be
this warm loving home that surrounded me

time brings about changes
some i could never have foreseen
the holes left in me get filled up
when i come home to see you

the skies are always clear
the stars shine so bright
the soundtrack is the beauty of the night
how i've forgotten how i loved being home
in the white house on the corner
in the middle of no where

when you'd toss me in the air
so high i'd actually thought i'd fly
when i'd cry and she'd dry my tears as she smiled
it was a gift from heaven that sweet home of mine

dare i call it perfect
no, nothing is
but i will commit to record
i wouldn't change a thing about it
because i've been searching since i left it
for another place to call home
and nothing has ever topped it

i want to go home

Cave In

waiting for you to fall in love with me has become a full-time job.
i've severed contact.
if you really want me you'll have to come and get me.
i'm tired of chasing you.
i think it's sent you on an ego trip.
i'll stay isolated in my fears and held closely in the arms of my doubts.
i hope you'll call, but my lower then lowest levels of hell self-esteem says you won't.

these obsessions that overcome me whisk me away into a wonderful life in my dreams, but never come true.
i want you to be different, but i'm not any different.
so the endings are always the same.
you leave.
i cry.
the cycle remains intact and never ends!
i always cave in!

waiting for my winning lottery ticket to be bought has turned into a full-time day dream.
i don't even have the dollar to buy the ticket.
and being out on sick leave gives me an anemic paycheck.
i'll pay what i can and live to learn to go without the rest.
it's bumpy, this road i've been detoured onto.
my therapist says i'll get better but my brain doesn't agree.

these obsessions that overcome me whip my passions into a frenzy and leave me quickly.
i feel like a cocaine addict coming down, crashing hard into sexual withdrawal.
i'll never have a happy ending, because i'm unchanged.
even these thoughts of death won't leave me be.
i'm going to cave in!

Long Long Road

if our paths were to cross, if you were to stumble and fall, my name might be called upon to help you up.
what would i say? would i turn away?
say to you that's the price you pay when you play with a person's heart.
or will i confess? stand up and be a woman that can forgive,
even though i will never forget what you did.
could i wish you the best and be there for you like a friend?
i don't know when, but some day we'll meet again on this long long road.

you'll always be at the back of my mind.
not a pleasant memory, but you are someone i will never forget.
you crop up in my dreams.
when i'm sad your laughter echos around my heart.
you tore my innocence apart.
i don't know where you are.
i don't know who you are with.
i wonder if a woman will ever make you cry.
i'm hoping someday you get what you deserve as you go down this long long road.

time flies by, a neutral party to all life's events.
if by chance, i ever see you again, will i be able to smile?
would i say hi? could i set the past aside and let the bad you did fade from my mind?
stand up and be a woman that can forgive, wish you the best,
pass this test! maybe someday on this long long road we'll meet again.

only fate knows if our paths will cross again. will i recognize you?
will you even remember me? was i just one more girl to meet your biological needs?
will i cry? life is full of twists and turns, you never know how you'll react to a ghost from the past.
there are so many beginnings on this long long road that have no endings.
we'll see, maybe someday, on this long long road i will find out if time really does heal all wounds!

Bland, Plain and Undeclared

I underestimated the value of my humanity.
I thought I was only worth the objects I could buy.
My sense of self shifted upside down,
Until I believed my existence was immaterial.
A secret intent I kept hidden from those who loved me.
I secret attempt I won't ever be able to discuss with them.
This is the only secret I've ever kept.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I hide in open spaces behind my soft smiles.
The pain of the emotions cascading through my brain still remain.
Even worse I don't know why one moment everything I knew was wrong
seemed right.
The world stopped writing my script in black and white.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I faced myself in the mirror to confront her and see if
I could reason with her.
But it's a futile exercise in the war I've lost who I used to be.
Now she's all that remains and she swallows the pills like pez.
Nothing interfers.
Her nightly ritual cannot be compromised.
She panics when bottles are lost or the pill count gets low.

See me here, bland, plain, and undeclared.
See me fall.
See it's funny.
Watch me cry and bleed.
If it helps you to see me hurt then I will hurt myself some more.

I hear panic in your voice at the mere suggestion of the end of life.
How could I have forgotten?
Why did I go blind?
Now I heat it, see it and feel it
Your pain is more valuable when I can keep it from you.
Someday, one day, we all die.
I just can't choose the day myself.
I have to let fate decide.

I Don't Need You

you leave me unmoved. i listen to your passionate pleas. and i don't feel a damn thing. i shove you down and kick you for no reason. your tears make me angry and your i'm sorry's whip up a cold breeze inside my heart. if you had loved me you would have stayed. i don't need anyone. i don't need you.

the reasons unfold like a murder mystery i've seen 1,000 times before. your charms can't heal my broken heart. there's no do over's. you took until i had nothing to give, i'm bankrupt so leave. you are nothing to me. i don't need anyone. i don't need you.

i steal the moments of solitude and collect my thoughts carefully. i have only half of me to live from now. your betrayal eclipsed my days of happiness. i'd shoot you dead if i believed it would undo all the misery you brought to my door. i don't need anyone. i don't need you.

i need time to heal. i need quiet to cry. i need to eat something. i need a quick fix. i need fire. i need love. i need feelings. i need a smile. you god damn, fucking, son of a bitch. i need to forget. give me all the booze and bottles of pills you can get. god help me, i won't quit, until i don't need anyone. and i don't need you. until i don't need you. until i don't need you. i won't quit until i don't need you.