Limits

I was just going to put all my writings in this blog. Limit myself to what is getting written, what has been written, and not actually put anything else in here. But I'm tired and depressed and I just don't want to type the writings in. I tried to bribe my college teenager to do it, but she refused. Laziness is always my downfall. If I don't have to do something I don't do it. I lack motivation. I can't remember the last time I got all excited about something and did it just because I wanted to.

My life now is so very different then anything I'd ever imagined it would be. I can't seem to break free of the depression. I don't want to go back on pills. They just turn me into a zombie. I need to find something to live for again. Something that makes me excited when the alarm clock goes off. I don't dislike my job. I don't hate the world. I just have nothing to hang on to. I have nothing to look forward to. Even Christmas just reminds me of everyone I've lost over the years. My mind is just stuck on the negative and I can't shake it loose.

I'm worried about myself.