While You Were Gone

While you were gone, I thought about you every 5 seconds
I wondered if you were doing the same
I counted the seconds until you’d be home
While you were gone, I dreamed you were in my bed every night
I hoped you were alone in your bed every night
I wished you’d call me and say Hello
While you were gone, I convinced myself to let you go
I thought you didn’t matter to me anymore
I knew I was better off without you here with me
While you were gone, I went through an emotional epiphany
I made decisions on my own without your input
I went out alone and enjoyed it
While you were gone, the days got longer and the nights got shorter
The weather got warmer and rain came.
The weather got colder and snow came
While you were gone, I went back and forth
I couldn’t figure out what I needed from you
I wanted to know if I could do it by myself
While you were gone, I lost five pounds
I stopped eating chocolate for one week.
I lightened my hair to a strawberry blonde.
While you were gone, I contemplated my place in the cosmos.
I tried to picture us living together until we die.
I imagined what are children would look like.
While you were gone, I was sad.
I cried.
I was angry you left me alone.
While you were gone, I gained some perspective.
I took a few steps back on this road.
I fantasized a life where I didn’t need you.
While you were gone, I daydreamed about you.
I calculated what you would say about all this.
I tried to guess your reaction to my news.
While you were gone, I drove myself mad.
I went crazy with thinking what if I did that or this.
I spent way too much time on you.
Now your back and I can’t tell you any of this.
Now your back and it’s like you never left.
Now your back and I don’t know what to do about that.