A Wednesday

A Wednesday has arrived. Friday is within my sight. If I can just make it through the daily grind I’ll be free for a little while.

My life has faded into nothing. I work. I eat. I work some more and then I go home bored. I am too tired to play. I can’t recall the last time I ran for no reason.

I’ve become fat. I live a sedentary life style. I waddle when I walk. My jaws flap when I talk. It’s all too much for me to bare, that’s why I never look in the mirror. I’ve lost sight of me.

I’ve gotten so far past control that I’m in eating overload. I go into this world with good intentions. I never mean to mention the things I say. I’m even superstitious. But it all goes wrong anyway.

The bank won’t let me have my money. The 3 credit bureaus think they are God. I can’t buy a home because I have no self control. Reality really does bite and bite over and over again until your ripped into pieces and bleeding slowly to death. You put out your hand and it gets smacked until it’s red.

I go to church to reach some inner peace but when I can’t give 10% I fill up with guilt. I feel so worthless. My faith isn’t enough to save me. My hopes have fled me.

I drive past the pretty houses all in a row. They taunt me because they’re flaunting how much better life for those people inside of them. My brain screams ‘A house does NOT make a home!’ My demons chant back, “How would you know? How would you know? How would you know?”

I don’t know if it’ll be alright. It’s never a good night. I want to run far away and start over again. Put me in the eye witness protection program, because I’m tired of who I am. I’m so so so tired of who I am!