Undivided Affections

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:
for thy love is better then wine." SS 1:2

my mind hangs on the magic of your touch.
these thoughts of mine are backsliding to the sweet sins of flesh.
vanity is unholy and i've underestimated your pull.
there's a fire raging in my heart and fear dancing on my nerves.
i have to find strength to reject this evil.

my madness spreads through to my soul.
i have lost the wisdom of the truth.
my devotion has become a lesson in fragility and sorrow.
the advesary is gifted in disguising lust as love.
God is jealous and demands my undivided affections.
i know where my duty lies.

the afterlife will be bleak if i die steeped in lies.
i am sane right now.
i keep this moment as a souvenir.
i must be blunt with myself.
the way i desire him is the signature of the devil himself.
these temporary obsessions of mine are destructive.
more proof to me that my journey toward heaven will be long and arduous.

"For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing,
whether it be good, or whether it be evil." ECC 12:14

every thought that has ever been in my head;
every desire that has ever twisted in my heart;
is under review, so i have to learn to control myself more.
i have to pray harder then ever before to resist these temptations.
God deserves my undivided affections.

A Basic Miracle

i had stockpiled my fears in every corner everywhere,
like a hoarder i could no get rid of a single fear.
my way loaded me down, like an anchor,
i was docked, stagnent at the port of depression.
i refused to receive forgiveness in my heart.
my talent was lying on the ground rotting.
i couldn't believe there'd ever be a place in heaven for me.
i thought my mortal body would get one performance.
i had forgotten my soul is endless.

i would see myself physically trapped in hell.
the fires of my sins surrounded me with their hot revenge.
i accepted that i was doomed to burn,
then on a tuesday evening, my path was diverted.
it took the warmth of human kindness reaching out to me to save me.

i resisted the gentle persuasion of the spirit.
you persisted to prepare me through unconditional acceptance.
slowly, through your love, a miracle overcame my doubts.
the basics are the easiest lessons to forget.
my perceptions began to shift.
i looked into my newly awakened eyes to see hope.

the abundance of the spirit you planted within me began to grow.
i was no longer afraid of running out of time.
i stopped thinking about death as a final end.
the scaricity of my faith was an illusion fed to me by the advesary.

i replaced sin with love.
i erased the errors of my past.
i embraced my natural gifts at last.
now i know true freedom is the absence of fear!